Photo By Jools Thatcher

The theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “ The Man “.

Great theme this week and a fun poem to write.

Sadly there is no audio this week, the tech gods didn’t smile upon our endeavours as they say.

I promise I did hit record but when I came to the end there was nothing there. Spooky?

I am sure it is just coincidence and that there is absolutely no causal link to me writing about “The Man” and the equipment malfunctioning. At least the words are there.

So this week instead of listening to the poem, have a listen to the tracks on the new EP “Once We Were Kings Of The World”

The Man

Dear God, King and father
They tell me you’re “The Man”
Though why you need a gender
I will never understand

It’s not like there’s a Mrs God
Unless you’ve kept her quiet
Concubine or mistress?
Nah, the churches wouldn’t buy it

My theory’s far more earthly
Stems from power, not the soul
You were deemed a bloke by mortal men
To assert their own control

They were cunning; no-one’s seen you
They could give you any face
A scam still used today
To keep women in their place

God, I reckon you’re a woman
“Based on what?” I hear you ask
Well, you’re not scared of commitment
And besides you multi task

No man could build the universe
At least not in a week
The structure would be sound
But aesthetics, dull and bleak

No flowers, trees or butterflies
No colourful veneer
Just rocks and rocks and more rocks
And volcanos spewing beer

Our prejudice, opinions
Social structures, social mores
Justified beyond debate
When sanctioned as “God’s Laws”

“Don’t blame us, its fathers’ will”
To censure girls and gays
It is man and not just you God
Who moves in mysterious ways

Or are you made in our image?
Do our bidding? Serve our plan?
Like royalty, just a figurehead
Working for “The man”

© Copyright 2012 Ian Bland

Photo By Jools Thatcher

The theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “ Sunshine “.

A short and serious poem this week.

Jon was back on deck this week.  And the week off had left him relaxed after Brian Nankervis’s handling of the show last week.  The discussion revolved around what Jon termed “the Error” referring to Ed being allowed to speak and the rest of the team’s rowdy behaviour.

It was all very quickly, back to normal.

Ed Bates  played really great backing guitar this week. Still inspired by the last remnants of last weeks shortlived freedom.

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:
Download audio file (JVG_Poem20120429.mp3)

Also have a listen to the tracks on the new EP “Once We Were Kings Of The World”

Sunshine

Flowers, bathed in sunshine, lie in bunches round a cairn
Nature’s work of beauty soothes the vilest acts of man

A scene awash with colour; profound tranquillity
A calm, those it honours will never feel or see

For the fallen, unknown horrors bore them to the grave
The innocent, the hapless, the guilty and the brave

Lives snuffed out like candles on the rolling of a dice
Beyond the reach of words the measure of their sacrifice

Glory is the language of zealots and romantics
Righteousness and evil often no more than semantics

Those who pull the strings are rarely called to pay the cost
Endless flowers and sunshine can never give back what is lost

© Copyright 2012 Ian Bland

Photo By Jools Thatcher

The theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “ News “.

And the news this week is, Jon decided to have a “sickie”. So the show was hosted by the inimitable Brian Nankervis. To say that he turned the show on it’s head would be an understatement.

There was discussion of football {usually banned}, Neil Young and Bob Dylan were mentioned {usually banned} and best of all, Ed was allowed to speak {usually banned}.

As Dan Warner pointed out “there will be hell to pay next week.”

Ed Bates  played really great backing guitar this week. Obviously inspired by his new found (and probably shortlived) freedom.

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:
Download audio file (JVG_Poem20120422.mp3)

Also have a listen to the tracks on the new EP “Once We Were Kings Of The World”

News

“Upset at the Logies” That’s what the headline said
Page six, a bomb in Kabul; One hundred people dead

“Rain disrupts the cricket” “A storm” claimed the report
While a killer flood in China, just a ripple, down near sport

The sorry state of indigenous health deserves to be revealed
But can’t compete with breaking news like Fashions on the Field

Aung San Suu Kyi? A golfer? No? We’d rather Brittney Speers
Or some hackneyed boy band’s comeback after more than twenty years

Over dinner, who wants stories that sicken and depress
So what’s dished up as news these days is often something less

Imagine if an asteroid came hurtling through space
Six days until it impacts and wipes out the human race

How will the world react to such catastrophe?
What will be the headlines in the papers and TV?

“The Age” will lead, as usual, with a restaurant review
Coverage of impending doom, the bottom of page two

“Today” on Channel Nine will be indefinitely postponed
Eddie will announce the whole planet’s being boned

“A Current Affair” will broadcast news until the end
Mostly diets, scams and gossip, and the latest fashion trend

“The Fin Review” will focus on economic implications
How extinction affects investors and its impact on inflation

Seven’s Bruce McAvaney will broadcast live from Mars
Use the asteroid to cross promote “Dancing with the Stars”

Reports just in, the asteroid’s already on its way
So “Today Tonight’s” on early and renamed “Tonight Today”

The news on SBS will be as usual, dry and bleak
The end will come with subtitles in Arabic and Greek

You think things can’t get worse, then SBS announce a shocker
Following the news five days of bloody soccer

“The Australian”, Murdoch’s Pit Bull, will maintain the right’s assault
“We warned the sky would fall in; It’s the Labour Party’s fault”

Rupert, ever stoic, has more important things to handle
At least he’ll get some respite from the phone hacking scandal

The ABC will soldier on in an understated way
A repeat of Pell and Dawkins for one last “Q & A”

Won’t waver from their format for the last news broadcast ever
Though it seems a little pointless, they’ll still include the weather

They’re thrilled at Channel 10, though their joy’s somewhat perverse
Delighted, when the world’s destroyed, their ratings can’t get worse

The final word, “The Herald-Sun” with trademark poignancy
“The world to end in one week – Ablett out for three”

© Copyright 2012 Ian Bland

Photo By Jools Thatcher

The theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “ Spin “.

Back from working up the bush. Thought I would add another “Letter” to the pile…

Dave Evans on accordion providing backing today

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:
Download audio file (JVG_Poem20120415.mp3)

Also have a listen to the tracks on the new EP “Once We Were Kings Of The World”

Spin

Dear God,
Excuse my impudence, but I’ll give it to you straight
Never let George Pell do another TV debate

From a marketing perspective there are a few things I’d suggest
Like Ronald McDonald it’s time George was put to rest

As with all religions it’s the PR side that fails
Self righteous autocrats, mostly aging alpha males

The product’s good, don’t get me wrong, but the message; wearing thin
Needs new blood, a new campaign, win them back with “Spin”

“Fear” worked well for centuries but is past it’s used by date
“Love’s” a bit too sixties, the market’s bored with “hate”

It’s all about perception; reality’s passé
Honesty, facts and logic only end up in the way

Remember, know your customers; the secret to success
Greedy, pampered, narcissists who don’t care less

Baby Boomers, self absorbed; worse Gen X and Y
They want heaven here and now, not wait until they die

We’ll launch online “The me-bible” The no crap, app connects”
Like many through the ages we’ll revise the ancient texts

Cut and paste and edit to suit our ideology
Like every other faith and creed has done through history

The Gospels, way too blokey to be relevant today
The Disciples? Make half female and at least one should be gay

David with his slingshot, doesn’t mean much anymore
So we’ll have him slay Goliath with a Magnum Forty Four

The money lenders at the temple; thieving bunch of ho’s
We’ll change the temple to a bank and make them “CEO’s”

“Water into wine”, we’ll have to add a stipulation
“Over 18’s only and drink in moderation”

That dodgy bit where Abraham goes to sacrifice his son
If Child Protection hears of that I think we could get done

Delete all “Revelations”; that book’s too hard to sell
Don’t forget we’re plugging heaven, best not mention hell

Reduce The Ten Commandments, it will make the product leaner
Downgrade The Seven Deadly Sins to a minor misdemeanour

We’ll up the price on weekends, not because we’re profiteers
The oil companies, bless em, have got away with it for years

We’ll claim one verse a day contains not one calorie
Full of antioxidants, plus, all cholesterol free

No fat, free range, high in fibre, salt reduced and light
Gets rid of wrinkles, crows feet, chicken wings and cellulite

Builds abs in under two weeks, trims thighs and middle age spread
Can’t be worse than those ab machines under everybody’s bed

Cures baldness, anti-aging, removes unsightly body hair
Throw in a set steak knives and then watch your market share

I appreciate the facts will require some compromising
That’s not called deceit – that’s called advertising

We’ll revitalise the brand by targeting the youth
Remember “Spin” is not a lie – just unfettered by the truth

© Copyright 2012 Ian Bland

Photo By Jools Thatcher

The theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “ Four “.

I’m up the bush this week so I phoned in the poem.  Jon had Georgia Fields and the Atticus quartet, that’s where the four comes from (thank you for asking)  in the studio this week. They were excellent.

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:
Download audio file (JVG_Poem20120408.mp3)

Also have a listen to the tracks on the new EP “Once We Were Kings Of The World”

Four

Neville was a postman almost all his working life
Didn’t earn a fortune but it kept him out of strife

One evening in the pub, primed by several beers
He began to reminisce about the highlights of those years

Neville’s tone grew solemn, not without a hint of pride
“In the service of the public, four times I nearly died”

“The first, a truck on Barkly Street; Barkly Street and Gray”
“A difference of opinion as to who was giving way”

“A broken arm and collarbone, bruised ribs and two black eyes”
“The last attempt cutting off a bike that truckie ever tries”

“The next, involved a dog down on Walkers Road in Lara”
“Not a Rottweiler or Pit Bull, but a three legged Chihuahua”

“That runt caught in my spokes, threw me head first cross the bars”
“If the stop sign hadn’t stopped me, the next stop was the cars”

“My third close call, a parcel, to a house in Taylors Lakes”
“Some fruitcake tried to use the mail to smuggle Carpet Snakes”

“One escaped, slid down my shorts and started to explore”
“A woman kindly gave a hand – which leads to number four”

“Her husband found us prostrate with his wife’s hand down my pants”
“I started to explain but I never got the chance”

“His wife cried “God, it’s moving” hubby didn’t seem amused”
“He kicked me twice, killed one snake, the other badly bruised”

“But it all got sorted out and I lived to tell the tale”
“No snake or dog or truck stopped me delivering the mail”

“It wasn’t cars or animals that got me in the end”
“Some bureaucrat nailed me with one stroke of the pen”

“After forty years on pushbikes, I told ‘em where to shove their motor”
“Next thing I was pensioned off, “In excess of quota”

Old Neville ordered one more beer, the usual dash of lime
Waved goodbye and left for what proved the final time

Admiring someone’s letterbox, overly engrossed
He was cleaned up by a bright red van, you guessed; Australia Post

His coffin was a cardboard box, “Care of heaven” the address
His friends chipped in to buy the stamps and sent him off express

Came back “Return to sender” “No Nevilles living here”
“Suggest you try in Hades” But the postage was too dear

So they sent Nev down to sorting where they had him re-assessed
The Dead Letter Office, Nev was finally laid to rest

© Copyright 2012 Ian Bland