Bland On Bland – The BookThe theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “ Coffee and Tea“.

Dropping things, picking things up, carbonated drinks and this week “Coffee and Tea”.

Does any one else see a pattern emerging for the topics this year?

Does JVG have some inspired master plan for topics this year.?

Who knows?

But for the record, I enjoyed writing this week’s poem over a green tea and  of course its The Stones, no contest ( I await your angry tweets and messages )

Big thanks to those of you who came to the gig at the Lomond . Great night had by all

Backing for today’s poem  supplied by Ed Bates, have a listen to how it went below…

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:

Coffee and Tea

In simpler days, before ice and iphones
The only conundrum was ‘Beatles or Stones’?

Text meant a letter, communication meant ‘talk’
No smashed avocado and no-one pulled pork

Coffee and tea both came from a pack
Choices were endless – there was white, there was black

These days regardless how humble the venue
You ask for a coffee and they bring you a menu

Mocha, Vienna, short or long Macchiato
Frappe, Expresso, Café Crema, Affogato

Chai Latte, Cappuccino, Café Cubano
Irish, Turkish, Jamaican, Americano

From Colombia, Yemen, and more exotic than that
Beans pre-digested in the bowels of a cat

Baristas etch artwork on the foam in 3D
It’s a drink for God’s sake, not the NGV

People stand outside cafes in the rain in a line
Coffee bean snobs, like their parents with wine

It’s no longer a beverage, it’s brewed histrionics
Not content with just sipping they have coffee colonics

Tea’s just as bad; in fact I think it’s collusion
It’s no longer steeped. No, it’s called an ‘infusion’

Described as ‘brassy’ or ‘chesty’; don’t over think it
Relax, take a break, the idea is to drink it

Darjeeling, Assam, Sencha and Oolong
Chun Mee and Keemun; Don’t let it stand too long

Vanilla Bean, Rosehip, Hibiscus Tisane
Hydrangea, Patchouli, Sage and Vervain

Watermelon, Pomegranate, perfumed and pallid
I’m after a tea, not a fruit salad

I’m too scared to order. What does it mean?
It’s no longer just tea, it’s black, white and green

Cafes make me nervous, I’m riddled with doubt
There’s Black Tea with milk and White Tea without

In the working class suburbs, there’s no relief either
It’s spreading faster than Ross River Fever

A plague once confined to Fitroys and St Kildas
Now you have to go bush to find an honest cup of builders

I’ll have a black tea with milk – you heard what I said!
Sugar? Perhaps Agave Nectar instead?

© Copyright 2017 Ian Bland


Also have a listen to the songs on my new album “Everything or Nothing

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