Photo By Jools Thatcher

We’re back, today was the firstJVG Radio Method for 2012. As an opening theme for the year Jon plucked “ Bay ” out of the air.

I liked this one, memories of past summers as a kid. It wasn’t to hard to cast the mind back and come up with the poem for this week.

Somehow I am sure that the road is going to get a little bumpier as we progress through the year. We are off to a good start though I had the pleasure of Ed Bates on backing guitar sounds for this one.

Hope you all had a great break, here we go again.

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:
Download audio file (JVG_Poem20120205.mp3)

Also have a listen to the tracks on the new EP “Once We Were Kings Of The World”

Bay

You know the drill – word will be along shortly

© Copyright 2011 Ian Bland

Photo By Jools Thatcher

The theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Summer Holidays“.

Last poem for the year, and that’s 2011 done. Jon and I pondered the vagaries of the season, and  some of the themes that we covered through the year.  Some of note  – Dawn, Suburban Trains, Washing, Outlaw Women, and of course O and Oh.

Thanks to everyone for the comments and emails. See you all next year when the show returns 2012.

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:
Download audio file (JVG_Poem20111218.mp3)

Also have a listen to the tracks on the new EP “Once We Were Kings Of The World”

Summer Holidays

“We’re all going on a summer holiday”
Cliff Richard likes to croon
All right for him, he’s a Pom
Their summer comes in June

Ours starts in December
In the Southern Hemisphere
Bundled, like a phone plan
With Christmas and New Year

Highways clogged with four wheel drives
One endless SUV
As we all desert the suburbs
For a suburb by the sea

Caravans and trailers
Mossie spray and zinc
Umbrellas, tents and pushbikes
Some cart the kitchen sink

Fishing boats and dinghies
Surfboards, rarely used
Jet skis for the Bogans
They’re easily amused

The beach, as packed as Swanston Street
You find a tiny gap
Then a family of fourteen
Plonk down in your lap

The father’s wearing smugglers
So taut they leave a scar
That cosy bears more strain
Than Dolly Parton’s bra

Twelve kids and their pit bull
Decide they’re playing cricket
No room to set up stumps
So they use you for the wicket

You think nothing can be worse
Than being turned into a stump
Till their pit bull sniffs your towel
And proceeds to take a dump

Your can of lemonade
Is so hot it burns your hand
Your sandwich is just that
It’s full of bloody sand

The town has just one restaurant
Blends pizza and Chinese
The queue goes round the car park
And it’s forty two degrees

The general stores cleaned out
The shelves are almost bare
Just Anusol and tampons
That’s appetising fare

You’re caked in factor thirty
A sunhat shields your brow
Regardless, by days end
You’re as red as Chairman Mao

Your skin feels like an ant’s nest
The colour of a beet
Tighter than Beyonce’s arse
And giving off more heat

You finally get to have a swim
That ends in disaster
Cleaned up by a surfboard
Spend the next two months in plaster

So stick your Summer Holidays
Vacations by the sea
I’ll sit under the sprinkler
Watch highlights on TV

From Lorne around to Portsea
You can shove your crowds and queues
I guess there ain’t no cure
For the summertime blues

© Copyright 2011 Ian Bland

Photo By Jools Thatcher

The theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “ Rainbows “.

So after all the excitement of the BBQ last week  and a seriously long recovery (and thanks to everyone who came along) , it’s all back to normal this week.Well normal for the JVG show. This week Jon had the pleasure of  Sarah Carroll  helping out behind the mic.

Back to theme. Was it difficult? Well fortunately  for me I have a small daughter so there is inspiration all over the house.  Let me know what you think.

Once again Ed Bates captured the mood brilliantly on the slide guitar backing.

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:
Download audio file (JVG_Poem20111211.mp3)

Also have a listen to the tracks on the new EP “Once We Were Kings Of The World”

Rainbows

We sat on top of Red Bluff Cliffs
The tail of a storm still lashing the bay
Waves, as though panicked, smashed into each other
Gulls hugged the beach, backs to the spray

A rainbow appeared to straddle Port Phillip
A bridge, so it seemed, to a ten year old’s eye
A bridge, uniting the known and imagined
A bridge, as real, as the sea and the sky

We spoke, with wonder, of pirates and treasure
Of lands undiscovered, oceans yet sailed
Worlds beyond reach of the timid and doubting
Worlds where the wildest of dreams still prevailed

We talked of the lives that were ours for the taking
Ruled by adventure, discovery, crusades
The bands of the rainbow, both proof and assurance
But all, given time, eventually fades

Now, decades on, I still walk those cliffs
I know what would be and how it unfolded
I know what became of our hopes and our dreams
The ways of the world have jaded and molded

Wearied by greed, drained by indulgence
A pragmatic haze now blocks out the stars
Pirates, at least, I have found do exist
As they plunder our suburbs driving luxury cars

I have learnt, the rainbow, is not born of enchantment
Naught but illusion, moisture and light
But not all wisdom is rooted in logic
Not all we see relies upon sight

There are realms immune to soundness and reason
Worlds within worlds, more than we might suppose
The magic returned, if for only an instant
As my daughter leapt through the spray of the hose

© Copyright 2011 Ian Bland

Photo By Jools Thatcher

This week’s JVG Radio Method poem was performed at the 10th Annual 3RRR “ 2011 BBQ DAY“.

Yes folks 10 years. So what did JVG (with his finally tuned sense of irony) decide would be the “theme” would be? That’s right Vegetarian – really?

Jon, you did notice what we are doing here? I mean, really?

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:
Download audio file (JVG_Poem20111204.mp3)

Also have a listen to the tracks on the new EP “Once We Were Kings Of The World”

BBQ DAY 2011

“That? On the barbie? Ha! Not a snowball’s hope in hell!”
Uncle Kevin’s verdict rang as clear as any bell

“Nothing against you veggies, let me get that straight”
“But no way those chickpea what’s its are going near my grate”

Kevin’s nephew, Tristan, was a lad endowed with passion
But Kevin knew his principles had more to do with fashion

Last month “Psychic Healing”, “Re-birthing” weeks before
Now he’s “Ovo-bloody-Lacto”, some breed of herbivore

Ditched KFC for TVP, rump for tofu steak
Scrubbed Usher from his mp3, replaced him with Nick Drake

He’d brought along his mates, all doing Arts at Melbourne Uni
“Bloody Arts” grizzled Kev “Another left wing loony”

On their T-Shirts “Meat Is Murder” on the back “Thou Shalt Not Kill”
Kev sneered “They want the compost heap not the bloody grill”

“Combing through the salads plucking leaves, seeds and shoots”
“Sporting leather jackets and red Doc Martin boots”

Kevin bit his tongue but his patience wearing thin
“Won’t eat the flesh” he snarled “But they’ll wear the bloody skin”

Kevin’s wife Kayleen barked “You cynical old prick”
“Cook the boys some tofu Kev and make it bloody quick”

“But petal” whimpered Kevin “It’ll stuff the cast iron plate”
“You’ll be stuffed” Kayleen snapped “If you don’t get cracking mate”

‘No ‘snuggles’ in the morning if those lads don’t get a feed”
Kev knew what ‘no snuggles’ meant and reluctantly agreed

Now, the barbie can get ugly as all carnivores would know
A sea of molten fat and grease with nowhere much to go

Seeping from the chop tails, oozing from the snags
Corroding deck and burners, reducing clothes to rags

Kev snatched a mung bean burger and flung it on the top
It landed with a splash between a rissole and a chop

But something magic happened as it sank into the grunge
It sucked up twice its’ weight in fat, just like a kitchen sponge

Kev chucked on several more and gasped “Will wonders never cease?”
“They’ve hoovered clean the hotplate, soaked up all the grease”

Kevin was astounded, but chose to keep it quiet
He might miss out on his ‘snuggles’ and cause a vegan riot

“Best veggie burgers ever” so his nephew Tristan reckons
His friends it seems concurred, all came back for seconds

Kayleen seemed impressed, Kev thought “Hello, I’m in luck”
As Kayleen cooed “Come on pet, how bout a quick Cold Duck”

Kevin popped the cork, even scored a little kiss
He was going to share his secret but well, ‘Ignorance is bliss’

Tristan bailed his Uncle with an air that oozed conceit
“I told you Uncle Kev” he crowed “They taste as good as meat”

“I’ll give you that” thought Kevin “And a hundred times more fatty”
“Each contains more cow than a half pound minced beef patty”

Still, Kevin was converted, and remains so to this day
At his barbies, the mung beans are the first thing in the tray

He loves his veggie burgers, reckons you can’t beat’em
“The best thing on the grill” he swears “Providing you don’t eat’em”

© Copyright 2011 Ian Bland