The theme Jon chose for the JVG Radio Method today was “RATS” (how does he do it?).

Click to play today’s poem … [audio:JVG_Poem20070909.mp3]

Slide Guitar by Ed Bates

Jon and I discussed which is the cleaner in the age old Rats V Moggies Cleanliness competition, the hair shampoo conspiracy and my soft spot for rats. Lets face it, on a warm Spring Sunday afternoon in Melbourne, you aren’t going to get earth shattering philosophy… just a poem.


for reasons now vague, going back to the plague
the rat has faced demonization
the press that it gets, compared to most pets
is nothing short of vilification

filthy, disgusting, aggressive and cowardly
nothing but ignorant lies
a guinea pig’s meaner, and no animal’s cleaner
and only the owl is a wise

charming and witty, well groomed, even pretty
and smart as your average rhodes scholar
considered great in the sack, come in both brown and black
and as happy in splendour as squalor

a cat has nine lives, no wonder it thrives
life can be rosy for some
while the poor maligned rat, largely due to the cat
is lucky to even have one

dogs are promoted as loyal and devoted
hailed as the best friend of man
could their loveable mood, be a ploy to get food
till they work out how to open a can

a goldfish, how droll, merely swims round the bowl
and that requires every neuron in its brain
it makes not a sound, just goes round and round
again and again and again

your overfed budgie, listless and pudgy
it’s droppings scattered all round the room
it sits in its cage, till it dies of old age
and all you get, if you’re lucky is a tune

some people quip, “rats desert a sinking ship”
with the intention of putting you down
but you’d have to be thick, or some sort of dick
to stay on the boat till you drown

strong as an ox, sly as a fox
or as low as a snake in the grass
it can rain cats and dogs, or your throat fill with frogs
but us rats don’t give a rat’s arse

© Copyright 2007 Ian Bland

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