Bland On Bland – The BookThe theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “2017-2018 BBQ Day”.


So the 2017 BBQ day got washed out but did that stop us? Well it did actually but, against all the odds here we are at the end of summer with the 2017 3RRR BBq Day show in 2018

If you were there it makes sense. The band were awesome as always, JVG performed his hosting duties with a panache that was truly astounding and a good time was had by all


Dave Evans drew the short straw for this one and provided the brilliant “Noel Cowardesque” piano backing, have a listen to how it went below…

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:

BBQ DAY 2017-2108

Our world is in crisis
From climate change to Isis
Famine, war, pestilence and greed
All efforts at uniting
Always end in fighting
Every race, every country, every creed

We’ve tried reconciliation
And the odd assassination
No-one pays attention to a truce
We keep propping up regimes
Despite our little schemes
Nothing seems to work so what’s the use?

No-one’s thinking lateral
The damage all collateral
It’s time for us to look outside the square
We have to stop this cancer
And I think I have the answer
The one thing every culture shares

All that you require
Is simply food and a fire
Everybody loves a bbq
Peoples of all nations
Love culinary cremations
The things people eat reads like a zoo

The Swedes adore moose
Smoked on Silver Birch
In Spain Bull’s Testicles
In Kazakhstan it’s Perch
Japanese love Dolphins
But only for research
EVERYBODY LOVES A BBQ

The French enjoy snails
Norwegians prefer whales
In the Amazon they’re partial to a Sloth
Guinea Pigs and crocs
Snakes and flying fox
The First Australians love a Bogong Moth

Everything that moves
From deserts to the farms
Australians eat the lot
We don’t have any qualms
We’re the only country
That eats its Coat of Arms
EVERYBODY LOVES A BBQ

Korea’s Kim Jong-un
Threatened Donald with a bun
Triggering a diplomatic row
An indignant Mr Trump
Caught fondling the rump
Blamed it on the fat, stupid, cow

Pauline eating halal
Will wonders never cease?
Barnaby gave up the tongs
Head to toe in grease
Who cares about the grime
When grilling for world peace
EVERYBODY LOVES A BBQ

Putin started cooking
When nobody was looking
He took a little bite out of Ukraine
Theresa May won’t risk it
Chose Brexit over brisket
Xi Jinping had Tibet for a main

The President of Mexico
Due to meet Mike Pence
They planned to share a Taco
But things were kind of tense
Someone shut the gate
Made him climb the fence
EVERYBODY LOVES A BBQ

MUSIC – Everybody loves a BBQ
MUSIC – Everybody loves a BBQ

From the valleys to the mountains
Oceans to the skies
Everything that wriggles
Swims, hops or flies
We’re frying the planet
So it comes as no surprise
THAT EVERYBODY LOVES A BBQ
YES EVERYBODY LOVES A BBQ

© Copyright 2018 Ian Bland


Also have a listen to “Everything or Nothing

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