August 16, 2009 | Ian Bland | Leave a comment Ian In England The theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method is well give 3RRR money. This was presented in two parts during the annual 3RRR Subscribathon. I know that it will be over by the time you read this, but consider just sending a few bucks along to your local public broadcaster, they can always use it. I am over in the UK at the moment and am phoning the poems in to the show. No rest for the wicked eh? Radiothon 2009 – Week 1 Week 1 [audio:JVG_Poem20090607.mp3] “A frigging disco?” squawked ‘Pig’ Mills “Are you morons feeling out of sorts” As usual, his feeble mind clamped tighter than Warwick Capper’s shorts “Get your hand off your aggots” hissed ‘Rabbit McGorry, struggling over the din “This place is unlike any disco your corpulent arse has been in!” Dr Pump, the door bitch, greeted them warmly and ushered them in straight away ‘Rabbit’ Cindy and ‘Squirrel’ were members – while ‘Spanner’ was happy to pay ‘Pig’ sniggered aloud “The silly bastards – they won’t get nothing from me” “You’d have to be thicker than the Carlton Cheer Squad to pay when you can listen for free” But when he saw the prizes and give aways ‘Pig’ was wracked with self-doubt “More variety” he wheezed “More music and choices – like and endless ‘Big Day Out” international, local, instrumental and vocal country, blues and rock’n’roll metal, cajun, prog and soul spoken word – rhyme and prose anything and everything goes punk and funk, gardening and roots electronic, symphonic, pure and shoots jazz, reggae, smooth and rude comedy, politics, sci fi, food the new, the old, established, unsigned dance, trance, folk, design interviews, news and book reviews talkback, feedback, techno, electro hip hop, pop, all over the shop stimulation, education relaxation and —– conversation psychedelic, metallic, wet and dry computers, science, diy art, health, pets and wealth law, film, surf and turf ambient – thrash – what’s it worth? If you’re sensing a moral of ‘Disney’ proportions woven ‘subtly through this rhyme I’m deeply offended and reject the suggestion – but feel free to subscribe any time ‘Pig’ was drawn to the centre stage – Sister Sledge, Tina Charles and the rest Fixated – not by the music – but the spandex leggings and breasts He decided he’d try to get back stage – he was only gone quarter of an hour When the mirror ball began to slow – the disco had run out of power Out of the darkness came a blood curdling scream – then a thump, like two tonnes of lead Lying face down, you could just make out – it was ‘Pig’ – ‘Pig’ Mills – he was dead! Who would commit such a dastardly crime? A stranger or someone he knew? I’m embarrassed to say it’s yet to be written – I’ve got no more idea than you But I’ll have it all sorted by next week – I’m open to suggestion – or bribe! Tune in next Sunday for the gripping conclusion – in the meantime bloody subscribe Radiothon 2009 – Week 2 Week 2 [audio:JVG_Poem20090607.mp3] We left you last week as tragedy unfolded – a murder on the disco floor The room plunged to darkness – a banshee like scream – and ‘Pig’ Mills was with us no more The Disco Police allowed no-one to leave and began to sort truth from the lies They quickly eliminated several suspects after checking their alibis Hot Chocolate were sweet, a witness confirmed they were being mugged at the bar The Commodores proved they were parking their Falcon – Lionel Richie driving the car It wasn’t ‘Ma Baker’ or ‘Rasputin’ – they’d been strangled by Boney M Diana Ross was ‘Upside Down’ – and why not it was ‘Raining men’ Though they’d made no arrests, the Disco Police insisted their prospects were good For starters, Amii Stewart had priors for assault – convicted of ‘Knocking on wood’ Michael Jackson was well known to Police – but every charge he denied He’d made several attempts to change his appearance so he must have had something to hide The chief suspects however were the Village People – the only question – which one? They all had priors for murder – they’d butchered every song they’d done The cowboy was a little too obvious – the cop – he was one of their own The Indian Chief? Well, a minority group – so better leave him alone The construction worker? The union’s too strong – The soldier? Don’t want the public off side So they locked up the bikie, no-one gave a stuff – as you’ll know yourself if you ride In the nick of time the phones ran hot and subscriptions came flooding in Power resumed to the disco and the mirror ball started to spin Attention centred on the motionless mass now visible under the light They rolled him over – it wasn’t ‘Pig’ Mills! – That gelatinous lump was – Barry White He wasn’t even dead – except in the charts – just buggered from mounting the stage All those “Oh, baby -mmm – keep on doing it – right on” were too much for a man of his age So the petulant ‘Pig’ was alive after all – which a few thought a bit of a bummer Merely ejected by Dr Pump, the door bitch – for hitting on Donna Summer It still didn’t explain the blood curdling scream – what could have caused that racket Turned out it was only Gloria Gaynor warming up for her bracket So the music returned to the disco – that could have so easily ended a tomb The opening lines of Gloria’s signature song echoed around the room First I was amazed I was mystified Kept flicking round the dial I could not decide So many stations With the same old repetoire A musical pissoir Till I tuned to Triple R Chicken Mary, To and Fro Delivery, The Skull Cave Dirty Deeds, The Party Show Local and/or General Off the Record, Graveyard Shift The Architects, Max Headroom When I really need a lift The Golden Age – of Piracy, Twang, New and Groovy Kinky Afro, JVG Without your help they’d be lost to radio We’d be lumbered With Karl and Jackie O Oh no, not I I will subscribe On the Blower, Aural Text Keep Vital Bits alive With your support they live They’ve got so much more to give And I’ll subscribe I will subscribe I will subscribe © Copyright 2009 Ian Bland Share this:TweetEmailMoreTelegram