Bland On Bland – Aeroplanes

Bland On Bland – The BookThe theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Aeroplanes“.

Anyone who knows me is aware that I don’t like flying. I spent a long time getting on and off planes and now I do my best to avoid it. Sadly the problem is that to get to the rest of the world rather involves you getting on a plane to get there these days.


Ed Bates provided the music backing and sound effects. Thatch provided the audio production, have a listen to how it went below…

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:


Charles was scared of flying, though not the fear of dying
It was boarding that had him petrified
He had to travel for his job, but Charles was such a snob
He was worried who he’d have to sit beside

He thought himself a purist, not some budget tourist
The great unwashed jammed in like sardines
As a frequent flyer, he viewed his standing higher
His aspirations rose well above his means

This created a dichotomy, work made him fly economy
He felt embarrassed when he showed his boarding pass
Begrudgingly he’d battle with the peasants down in cattle
Not his rightful place, the front row in first class

On a night flight to Perth, a woman suddenly gave birth
An attendant requested Charles vacate his seat
He quipped “I could be persuaded, providing I’m upgraded”
Next thing he’s up front with the elite

Charles ponced down the aisle with a smug, pretentious, smile
Treating the attendants with disdain
“Boy, fetch some caviar, not a spoonful, bring the jar
And a bottle of your finest French Champagne”

Turbulence doesn’t care if you’re standby or full fare
All that matters is the seat belt round your belly
Charles hit the ceiling then the floor, repeated ten times more
Forget caviar, his first class days were jelly

His remains placed in a crate, Charles flew home as freight
Between a pallet of Tinea cream and a stuffed Alsatian
Whichever end you fly, the old adage is a lie
Forget the journey it’s all about the destination

© Copyright 2021 Ian Bland

Also have a listen to “Everything or Nothing

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