Bland On Bland – Air

Ian In England
Ian In England

The theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method is “Air” (rather appropriate actually)

I am over in the UK at the moment and am phoning the poems in to the show.

No rest for the wicked eh?



this week i committed an unnatural act
twice in two days as a matter of fact

an offence against nature – perverse and profane
against my better judgement – i jumped on – a plane

pollution and greenhouse emissions aside
air is for breathing – not hitching a ride

do emus swim? do fish walk on land?
apart from axolotals sneaking cross the rio grande

flying is safe – if you believe the statistics
but it’s not about odds – more about physics

defying logic, gravity and weather
400 tonnes – not exactly a feather

irrational, groundless and absurd it may be
but i like more than air between terra firma and me

to some it’s a weakness, a failing, pathetic
but i’d rather have my teeth pulled without anaesthetic

i’d gladly row solo across bass straight
or swim among sharks with my jocks filled with bait

descend arthur’s seat without any brakes
or lie in a bath filled with venomous snakes

irrational maybe but i just don’t like flying
it’s not as though i’ve given in without trying

graded exposure and relaxation
cognitive, behavioural and meditation

crystals, hypnosis, aroma therapy
anti- depressants and rescue remedy

indulgence in alcohol, no doubt unwise
but so to is jet setting round in the skies

i’ve tried every approach but the best one i’ve found
is simply to keep my feet on the ground

when you hear this, i’ll have landed, so i guess i’m alright
unless of course we crashed or they cancelled the flight

so that’s a relief – but a point of concern
now i have to worry about the return

friends take the piss, but me? i don’t care
give me the earth and let the birds have the air

© Copyright 2009 Ian Bland

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.