Photo By Jools Thatcher

Photo By Jools Thatcher

The theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Alright“.

Dodrogne – France: Bonjour Jean
Not an easy thing to say at a little after 6am as it is here.

I’m somewhere in the mid south of France canoeing down the Dordogne River – very slowly I might add! Why a canoe? Well if you’d seen my attempts to drive on the right hand side of the road you’d understand.

And if my driving stinks, my French smells like a chunk of Camembert left in the glove box all summer.

Sacre Bleau!

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:

Also have a listen to the tracks on the new EP “Once We Were Kings Of The World


The task appeared quite simple; at least it did to me
Sanitary pads, regular and a packet of mint tea

Alright, I should have been prepared, thanks for the advice
But my French to English Dictionary wasn’t that precise

I’d mastered the important words; I’d practised for a year
Cognac, cidre, champagne, vin rouge, vin blanc, une biere,

Beer, cider, champagne, cognac, wine; red and white
Thankyou, hello, beer, cider, wine, yes, alright

I should have learnt the word for “no”; in hindsight I concede
But a hedonistic holiday? Not a word I thought I’d need

Besides, there’s a language the whole world understands
The universal language – gesture with your hands

I addressed them in their native tongue, perhaps my vowels were slurred
The response was animated, though I didn’t catch a word

All attempts to clarify were met with howls of laughter
They offered countless products, though none that I was after

I gestured with my fingers, my buttocks, legs and arms
A little too explicitly or so said the gendarmes

Not wanting to seem ignorant and sensing a rapport
I replied “Alright, alright, alright, d’accord, d’accord, d’accord”

At least I’ve brought home something, not exactly what you want
Fourteen tubes of haemorrhoid cream, five bottles of creme de menthe

I’ve narrowed my French to one sentence, concise, direct and polite
Je ne parle pas Francais, d’accord? I don’t speak French, alright?

© Copyright 2011 Ian Bland

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