Bland 2008 BBQ Day

Bland 2008 BBQ Day - photo by Tim Chmielewski

This week’s poem I wrote for Jon’s JVG Radio Method on 3RRR was for the Seventh Annual Triple R BBQ Day and performed live in front of the crowd.

Where does a year go?

Thanks to everyone there for your support.

Click here for the poem [audio:JVG_Poem20081207.mp3]

There are a bunch of photo’s over at Tim Chmielewski’s website

BBQ 2008

Ever wondered why Melburnians find the BBQ so grouse?
It’s cause you get to mix with people you’d never let in your house
Some of dubious character, the odd one you detest
When you want them to leave just wait till dusk – the mozzies do the rest

Our new Lord Mayor has just arrived to get the barbie started
I don’t know if it’s co-incidence but it smells like someone farted
Robert wants the band to pack up, he reckons the music sucks
He much prefers the serenade of vans and cars and trucks

His talents suit the BBQ, you just stand and stare at the grate
Don’t do much, drink a few beers and chuck a few snags on a plate
No-one gives a rat’s arse if they’re tasteless, dry or oily
Don’t be fooled by the robes and the chains, the role’s little more than a doily

Kevin Rudd, you crazy guy, your usual meal of course
A plain beef snag, Straight! Not bent! No bread, no mustard no sauce
The man’s a party animal, one drink and he’s off his tree
Which is quite a feat, since he’s drinking the punch and it’s totally alcohol free

Julia Gillard is “ruthless” said Malcolm Turnbull trying to outstrip her
Which is a bit like John Hopawate calling Tony Liberatore a gripper
You’ve got to be tough in politics, but Malcolm give it a break
Your not as tough as you make out – not like the chops, kebabs and the steak

Anyone seen Julie Bishop? She’s not with the other blokes
Ah, she’s dining in the corporate marquis, courtesy of Kerry Stokes
Don’t worry about Old Wilson Tuckey, he prefers to eat on his own
Don’t give him steak, it’s wasted on him, he’d rather chew an old bone

Peter Costello, you still hanging around, get a life, come on, off you hop
We’re sick of waiting while you decide – do you want the steak or the chop?
Wouldn’t Stephen Fielding love a snag – but he won’t take a bite, no way
He’s worried if he eats a sausage, he might like it and we’ll think he’s turned gay

Peter Garrett, don’t be shy, why not sing us a song
“Short Memory?” – Bad choice Pete! You’ll find our memories quite long
God knows we need the environment but does the environment need you?
All that hot air up in Canberra is as toxic as CO2

George W Bush- put down those matches! Eat your Adam’s rib
Remember you promised – no sharp knives! Someone help him on with his bib
Who cares you didn’t know what G20 meant, trust nasty old Kevin to spoil it
No it doesn’t stand for Glen 20, George, time to come out of the toilet

Rolf Harris, what an honour, and fellow expat Germaine Greer
They love this sunburnt country – just can’t stand living here
What brings them to Australia – just here for a look?
Or to flog your latest tour, TV show, or book?

Bugger me Germaine do you always have to cause a drama?
Bagging all the guests, you’ve really pissed off Michelle Obama
A “Geometrical Haemorrhage”? and a “Butcher’s Apron” too
I think her dress is perfect — I mean this is a BBQ
There are surely bigger issues than Ms Obama’s tunic
Maybe life really does imitate art – you’ve become “The Female Eunuch”

Rolf has brought his wobble board, to help to fan the coals
Lately all he’s used it for, it seems, is digging holes
He regrets he “Let the Abos go loose” but you know the way it is
Claimed they “Won’t get off their arses” now no-one will get of his
But you’ll soon be home in England Rolf – and they know what you mean
You can curse those “Damned colonials” over a cuppa with the Queen

Bugger this, I’ve had enough, someone else can do the cooking
Slip out the back and turn off the gas when nobody is looking

The world might be in meltdown and we can’t sweep those problems away
But they disappear, like snags on the grill, once a year on BBQ Day

© Copyright 2008 Ian Bland

3 comments on “Bland On Bland – BBQ 2008

  • What a great day it was and a suitably ripper poem ! Spewing I had to take the kids home and couldn’t get to the Lomond.

    Oh well …. next year I’ll plan it better.

  • Sorry Dean, I am very slack at looking at my website and hadn’t noticed your message.
    We all had a ball at Barbie day this year – best one so far was the general concensus.
    The Lomond have already locked Dan and the band in for next year so you have plenty of time to plan – and they don’t mind kids!

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