Bland On Bland – The BookThe theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “ Bitter “.

Great show this week, one of the best.

Special thanks to everyone who came along to the Lomond Hotel‘s “Players and Pullers” festival on Saturday, a brilliant day. Hope to see some of you on the 30th 

Ed Bates was in what charitably could be described as a playful mood providing the guitar backing. I nearly cracked up laughing a couple of times, have a listen to how it went below…

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:


Dear Tony, how they hanging? You can tell me bloke to bloke
What’s it like to watch your kingdom going up in smoke

It’s just a minor setback; you’ve never been a quitter
Perhaps a little sullen though I wouldn’t call you bitter

You were back doored, old son; Turnbull and his meddlin’
You once ruled the roost; well, 2 IC to Peta Credlin

You promised you’d go gracefully; took it in your stride
The odd constructive criticism doesn’t mean you lied

Canberra is a snake pit and Turnbull is a viper
I wouldn’t call you bitter; perhaps a better term is ‘sniper’

The party abandoned you; the whole thing was a con
Trouble with the Liberals, they’ve turned liberal since you’ve gone

Bloody selfish bastards; and the reason they defected?
Everyone bar you knew you never be re-elected

But undermine the leadership? I know you wouldn’t dream
You’re a team player Tony, least when you’re captain of the team

Turnbull was disloyal, gunning for your crown
Wouldn’t call you bitter; just want to bring the bastard down

Sure the polls were on the nose, still I thought you did alright
I mean, you name me a prince who wouldn’t kill to be a knight

And that bloody pinko ‘Safe Schools’ crap giving kids ideas
Next thing you know we’ll be overrun by queers

You shoved that grubby package straight back on the shelves
God forbid if kids start feeling good about themselves

Replaced by ‘Pastoral care’ – nothing wrong with that
Can always move some priests from Bendigo and Ballarat

Since the far right of the party have lost their leading Tory
The homophobic racists will be forced to vote for Cory

I know you’re not bitter, you’ve been maligned like Donald Trump
But there’s no coming back son, it’s probably time to jump

You could go into the media; you have the repartee
We’d be excused for thinking you already work for 2GB

So take your budgie smugglers and tell the pricks you’re leaving
I wouldn’t say you’re bitter; a little cross perhaps – try seething

Fuming maybe, livid; apart from that nonplussed
You will not rest till Turnbull has been ground into the dust

You could have walked away with some dignity intact
Pride outranks dignity when chasing those who had you sacked

And your party and the country; I guess that’s a captain’s call
You’re as sweet as arsenic Tony. Bitter? Not at all

© Copyright 2017 Ian Bland

Also have a listen to “Everything or Nothing

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