Bland On Bland – The BookThe theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Change“.

A great theme this week and JVG was back on deck for a change ( see what I did there?) And Ed is back recovered from his travel illness.

Thanks to those people who rang the station after my segment went to air, I am glad you liked and its always great to get to talk to the people who listen to the show

As I said Ed Bates provided the guitar backing, have a listen to how it went below…

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:


“We need to have a talk Roy” implored the ever patient Joan
Unsure of what was coming Roy was worried by the tone

“But Joan, its eight o’clock; the time I always take my walk
It’ll bugger up my schedule if I stick around and talk”

“I know you don’t like change Roy, be that as it may
But stuff your walk and schedule, I intend to have my say

We’ve been married over forty years and life is slipping by
That’s forty annual holidays, all camping down at Rye

We were invited to Merimbula for a fortnight with the Quinns
But of course we couldn’t go; you didn’t like to leave the bins

You’re stuck Roy, stuck; like a kitten up a tree
Start adjusting to change or start adjusting without me

Our marriage is one endless loop; every years the same
Even all our many pets had to share one name

Stu the axolotl; Stu the budgie, Stu the rat
Stu the pygmy python died devouring Stu the cat

We’ve had five dogs, all Beagles, and each one’s name was Stu
According to the council Stu’s now aged forty two

Our Silver Birch, dead ten years; I know it’s devastating
You can’t bring yourself to cut it down, you think it’s hibernating

I bought a Blu Ray for your birthday; even that was too much stress
You’re still trying to figure out how to work the VHS

You won’t update our old Holden, the suspension gives me piles
You make me translate the road signs and convert them into miles

Change? You hate change. You’ve got no clue we’re your heading
You even hyperventilate when I go to change the bedding

You have cerebral constipation Roy; a blockage, that’s a fact
I wish just once you’d initiate a wild, impetuous act

“Wild eh? Impetuous? Roy began to sweat
Backed into a corner and his schedule under threat

“I’ll show you spontaneity – watch me June, I’m going
Going to do the shopping June; the schedule says I’m mowing

I’m not taking the shopping list; I’m not sticking to the track
I’m going crazy June, crazy. Who knows what I’ll bring back?

There’s impulsive for you; I don’t do things by the book
Where’s my shopping bag gone June? It should be on the hook

Two hours later Roy returned, put the shopping in the kitchen
“See June, I can improvise; that ought to stop your bitching”

June shuffled through the contents; bread, milk, laxettes
She turned around bemused “Roy, that’s what you usually get”

“Ah-ha” Roy smiled smugly “you need to look again
Check the toilet paper June, I bought prints instead of plain!”

June and Roy had counselling and agreed to compromise
Roy would be more adventurous if June didn’t criticise

They decided on a holiday, this time a house exchange
Roy found the perfect place – in Rye; something’s never change

© Copyright 2019 Ian Bland

Also have a listen to “Everything or Nothing

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