Bland On Bland – The BookThe theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Customer Service“.


Audio will be along shortly


Customer Service

Customer Service I’d thought a relic of the past
We, as the consumer, assigned a lower caste

A bored sales assistant or a smug, bolshie, waiter
Your calls in the queue; try ringing later

Customer and Service was a contradictory term
A complete oxymoron designed to make us squirm

Clients, an annoyance, deemed as undeserving
Customer Service meant the customer does the serving

Then, to my surprise, in the news the other day
A renaissance of sorts; the government leading the way

Centrelink, those charmers, service redefined
No need for human contact; robots are more refined

They always speak politely while clawing back a debt
They can’ think, discuss or reason, still they never get upset

No point in explaining – they can’t hear a word that’s said
They never give up searching for you even when you’re dead

It costs them more to do it than the money that they save
If you aren’t already dead they’ll gladly send you to your grave

The government is here to help you cut through all the clutter
If it’s service you want and you’re partial to a flutter

Look no further than Australia; all it takes is cash
Visas, transport, escorts; we’ll sort it in a flash

So what if you’ve had the odd run in with the law?
We’ll fast track all the bullshit; what are governments for?

Your wish is our command; don’t want you waiting in a line
Let’s go and shoot some wombats while we fill in time

Criminals, mobsters? They’re not your average sleaze
It’s not like they’re undesirables like political refugees

Swanning round Manus Island all at our expense
It’s like a bloody holiday camp; if you disregard the fence

We’ll fly you down in no-time and process you express
The media? A dawn raid will take care of the press

We encourage whistleblowers; we support transparency
We commend their contribution – then call in the AFP

Our motto “Customer Service; we’re here for you” end quote
Indigenous constitutional recognition? Next thing they’ll want the vote

They already have it?
When did that slip through?
They must have bundled it with a salary rise for MPs
Smile will you Ed? Customer Service remember
I know you’re a National but you can still pretend to give a shit
Quick, here comes a camera, smile for God’s sake
“Good afternoon, how can we be of service?”

© Copyright 2019 Ian Bland


Also have a listen to “Everything or Nothing

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