Bland On Bland – The BookThe theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “ Dislike, Disdain, Disrespect “.

A completely different show this week. JVG decided to go for the “long weekend” option and left the show under the guidance of the inimitable Dr Pump.

Regular listeners to the show were given on a completely different experience than they would have been used to.

Ed was in the studio this week, and in blistering form, one of the most memorable backings he has played in a long time. Brilliant stuff Ed and in complete accordance with the theme. Have a listen to how it went below…

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:

Dislike, Disdain, Disrespect

As a babe, it is said, he was rather quite beguiling
So they named the lad “Sunny”: Little chap was always smiling

In time they grew to realise they’d misjudged their little prince
What they’d taken for a smile was actually a wince

By the age of five that wince evolved into a scowl
A window to the soul, perhaps, for the little mite was foul

While other kids played games and were keen to socialise
Sunny played alone, pulling wings off flies

He saw friendship as a weakness; kindness as a fault
Minor things like rules taken with a grain of salt

He viewed classmates with contempt; teachers with disdain
He loved getting into trouble because he quite enjoyed the cane

Examined by a plethora of mental health clinicians
Tested for underlying physiological conditions

Anxiety, tumours, thyroid; all eliminated
There was nothing in his past and he wasn’t constipated

It seemed his behaviour would for now remain a mystery
Until a casual reference regarding family history

“He’s like my father” sighed his mum “and most of his relations
Arseholes in this family go back at least five generations”

“That’s it” the doctor bellowed “Sunny isn’t sick
It’s in his genes, genetics; he was born to be a prick

He’s meant to be a psychopathic, narcissistic boor
He’s fulfilling his potential, who could ask for more?”

“I’m so relieved” his mother sighed “knowing nothing’s wrong
Thinking he was NQR and he was perfect all along”

“I told you that” snapped Sunny “always knew I was a winner
Stop wasting time” he told his mum “go and get my dinner”

It was Sunny’s DNA and there was no denying that
So they didn’t make a fuss when he set fire to the cat

He’d lie and cheat, deceive, ignore, distort and fabricate
His counsellor suggested a career in real estate

A stint with the Young Liberals before defecting to One Nation
A prime time slot as a shock jock on a Sydney radio station

A loud, self centred, bigoted turd, not shy of sharing his views
His talents soon rewarded as an anchor on Fox News

Still, he lusted after more and Sunny went into a slump
Desperate to be the world’s biggest prick, but how to beat Putin and Trump?

All that stress took its toll and began to affect his health
Tests revealed an allergy – he was allergic to himself

He was found next morning dead in bed; his scowl once more a smile
The autopsy results revealed he choked on his own bile

As per his instructions they carved upon his stone
“No flowers, no tears, just bugger off, I want to be left alone”

In the immortal words of Popeye, another not known for restraint
“I yam what I yam and that’s all whats I yam” more aptly you aints what you aint”

© Copyright 2017 Ian Bland

Also have a listen to the songs on my new album “Everything or Nothing

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