Bland On Bland – Dogs

Today’s theme for the JVG Radio Method today was “DOGS”. But as Jon has decided to follow in my footsteps and head off overseas for a few weeks, the show was ably ringmastered hosted by Sarah Carroll.

Click to play today’s piece … [audio:JVG_Poem20070715.mp3]

My Dad had this saying that he copped from somewhere…

“A small amount of fleas are good for any dog.
‘Cause it stops them brooding on the fact that they is dogs”

He would use this for every situation whether it applied or not.

Today’s offering is probably the aural equivalent of one of those kitsch paintings of dogs playing poker.

Thanks (as always) to Ed Bates for the guitar backing. (It’s good to be back)


dave moll once wrote, “it’s a dogs life”
a sentiment hard to dispute
spend our lives tethered and dreaming
of riding up front in the ute

mastiffs, chihuahuas, mongrels and mutts
crave the life the top dog enjoys
prance around pissing on lamp posts
an elite private club for the boys

george w’s a rather slow pit bull
howls at the moon and the stars
runs round in circles pursuing his tail
and chasing imaginary cars

other dogs follow because of his size
it’s hard to make out who’s leading
he likes to dig holes, just like his old man
they put that down to the breeding

little johnny’s a cranky jack russell
as shifty as the proverbial rat
digs up the yard, makes a mess in the house
innocently points to the cat

he ignores whistle blowers with an arrogant swag
pretends he didn’t hear a thing
struts round the park with the big boys
his snout up george w’s ring

costello’s a cocky young spaniel
always nipping at little johnny’s leg
first he was trained to roll over
more recently learned how to beg

the two of them love to play chasey
but costello can’t take a trick
impatiently runs round wagging his tail
but johnny won’t let go of the stick

new to the pack is a beagle named rudd
he’s been with them less than a year
he’s noticed the dogs who look only ahead
some mongrel will mount from the rear

they run around yapping and looking for pats
while sniffing each other’s butts
rudd advocates a more subtle approach
sits quietly licking his nuts
a rottweiler, latham, aggressive and tough
other dogs he’d have for a meal
he was under control till he slipped of the leash
then no-one could get him to heal

his owner’s found him too hard to handle
a danger to them and their health
if he couldn’t bite someone, whether foe or a friend
he’d end up biting himself

clinton, a pointer, smooth and well groomed
was caught with a cute pekingese
he swore black and blue they weren’t having sex
she was merely scratching his fleas

rumours continually surfaced
he was partial to the odd bit of tail
he admitted that once he tried sniffing arse
but swore he didn’t inhale

a shih tzu dandy named gadd
better known by his show name of “glitter”
once hailed “the leader of the pack”
now reviled as runt of the litter

he fell from the heights of “best in show”
to lower than a mutt on the skids
not because he couldn’t perform
but his breed can’t be trusted round kids

to make head of the pack, it’s dog eat dog
and often they’re merciless
you can’t always tell what they’re up to
not till you stand in their mess

the world’s full of dogs, some massive some small
none of them scared of a fight
doesn’t matter a stuff how loud they can bark
it comes down to how hard they can bite

© Copyright 2007 Ian Bland

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