Bland On Bland – Filthy Dogs

Photo By Jools Thatcher

The theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “ Filthy Dogs “.

Good afternoon Jon and once again greetings from Coventry.
I’m very disappointed that I’ll miss next weeks Community Cup, which is now undoubtedly the premier event on Melbourne’s non-sporting calendar.

One thing I won’t be missing though is Brian Nankervis’s appalling, irrational and one sided umpiring and I was overjoyed to hear that not only has he been replaced this year, but has, in fact, been forced to flee the country because the organisers can’t guarantee his safety – with good reason I might add.

His replacement, Dugald, the Rockwiz scorekeeper, while a man of few words – actually a man of no words, has at least proven he can count – and Brian, I don’t mean counting kickbacks.

Some of the things I saw the Rockdogs get away with last year would have given Bruce MacAvaney a twisted bowel. Total disgrace, get Caroline Wilson on the case and maybe Andrew Bolt.

On a positive note, for those perhaps considering attending the Community Cup for the first time, I’ll quote a few extracts lifted from an excellent article by Tim Cashmere titled “Charity Wins and Football loses” courtesy of the Noise11 website, that I think perfectly sums up the day.

“Take the game away from the bright lights of the MCG and away from the AFL corporatism, and replace the chiselled athletes with some overweight, chain-smoking, alcoholic musicians and radio DJs and you’ve got me there every year without fail.

Why do I do it?

Because it was proven again yesterday that the day is a hell of a lot of fun. It’s not just about a game of footy. It’s about music, and raising seventy thousand bucks for Reclink so they can get under-privileged kids to play sport

Oh yeah, I suppose I should tell you the score.

You know what? It doesn’t really matter anyway.
Everybody wins but football.”

Well said Tim.

And now back to the venom.

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:

Also have a listen to the songs on the New Album “Angel In Reverse

Filthy Dogs

Those bloody dogs are loose again
Once a year, let off the chain
Fair play goes down the drain
But their freedom will be brief

Last year those mongrels scammed a tie
Controversy will not die
Sleeping dogs, they say, let lie
Yeah, lying through their teeth

Bitsers, mastiffs, whippets, pugs
Scraggy tails and ugly mugs
Look like greyhounds, move like slugs
The talents pretty thin

Lazy labs, under achievers
Too many pointers, too few retrievers
In my opinion they’re all receivers
So may the best team win

They’re just a pack of pampered mutts
We’re not falling for their rock star struts
No-one here will sniff their butts
Those dogs are on their own

Flouncing cross the stage, bow wow
On the field they’re more meow
Their roadies can’t help them now
They’ll be buried like their bones

Those scrawny flea bags might look weedy
Mangy hair, eyes close and beady
More dirty tricks than Kevin Sheedy
So much for man’s best friend

Squirrel grips, illegal bumps
Wink, wink, nudge, nudge from the umps
It’s time those old dogs pulled up stumps
Prepared to meet their end

Imagine if you took their bloods
Urine samples more like suds
They’d go down like a sack of spuds
If justice still prevails

Enhancers I suspect are rife
Swab the dogs, they’d be in strife
The AIS would kick ‘em out for life
Dock their scruffy tails

Still, for all their dirty tricks and flaws
Those Rockdogs deserve some applause
They’re out their cheating for a cause
And bragging rights cross town

So grab the family and come along
To see the Megahertz right a wrong
At the final siren sing their song
The dogs are going down

© Copyright 2013 Ian Bland

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