Bland On Bland – Get It …

The theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Get it …“.

Back in the studio this week and Jon has picked another “odd” one.

Truly, I have no idea what causes Jon’s penchant for weird themes like this.

Still a great excuse to revisit some of the “popular” denizens of the neighbourhood.

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:

Get it …

“What’s the problem ‘Rabbit’?”
Squirrel gave a gentle push
As they lay behind the shelter shed
Underneath a bush

“I can’t get it up”
Whispered ‘Rabbit’ blushing
“Relax” ‘Squirrel’ comforted
“It’s only cause we’re rushing”

‘Pig’ burst through the scrub
Yelling “Lunchbreaks almost gone”
He glared at his two classmates
“Hey, what’s going on?”

“’Rabbit’ can’t get it up”
‘Squirrel’ saw no point in lying
“Rubbish” shouted ‘Pig’
“He’s obviously not trying”

“Look, there’s thirty kids who’ve paid
They expect him to perform
If I tell them he can’t get it up
There’s going to be a storm

Pull yourself together son
Don’t be a Drama Queen
‘Squirrel’ give the boy a hand
Here, try some Vaseline”
?
“What me, touch that?” gasped ‘Squirrel’
The poor lad nearly froze
“You want me to shove my fingers
Up someone else’s nose?”

“Eureka” screamed out ‘Rabbit’
A cry of celebration
“I used butter off my sandwich
Perfect lubrication”

He’d shove a sinker up his nose
Ram it good and tight
Hold the other nostril
Then blow with all his might

He could hit a fly mid air
From twenty feet away
A talent ‘Pig’ exploited
Knowing kids would gladly pay

A skill ‘Rabbit’ honed
Fishing from his Uncle’s boat
When bored he’d snort some split shot
Take pot shots at his float
?
A skill ‘Pig’ discovered
Is harder than it looks
When inhaling fishing tackle
You best remove the hooks

Back behind the shelter shed
Their star appeared at length
Though the strain of trying to get it up
Had sapped all ‘Rabbit’s’ strength

The stress he found un-settling
The consequences dire
Sudden onset hiccups
Caused his nose gun to backfire

The slug, intended for a fly
Rolled down his throat instead
‘Pig’ said not to worry
It was made of natural lead

A lesser would have walked away
But ‘Rabbit’ persevered
As he stilled to take his shot
The Headmistress appeared

‘Rabbit’ cocked and loaded
Was taken by surprise
The shock released a ball of lead
Struck her right between the eyes

Though she wasn’t injured
The Headmistress was fuming
As they marched back to their classroom
‘Rabbit’ sensed the storm clouds looming

‘Pig’ kept all the takings
Let the others take the rap
Smiled with smug indifference
As ‘Rabbit’ copped the strap

‘Pig’ laughed each time he told that tale
Not that ‘Rabbit’ found it funny
Never again could he get it up
Not for love or money

© Copyright 2016 Ian Bland

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Also have a listen to the songs on “Angel In Reverse”