Bland On Bland – The BookThe theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Holding Something“.

It seems to have gone off on a bit of a tangent this week.
What’s different to any other week I hear you say?
Point taken!

JVG is back in control. Such as it is, I don’t think he really liked last week minor insurrection.

Ed Bates provided the music backing and great guitars. Thatch provided the audio production, have a listen to how it went below…

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:

Holding Something

My prostate has been playing up, niggling all week
I can hardly raise a dribble though I’m busting for a leak

Years of watching TV holding on until an ad
Or waiting until half time drove the little bugger mad

I went and saw my doctor and had my prostate checked
He gave me all these tablets though they’ve had no effect

I can tolerate the finger when something goes amiss
Though I might have been less tense if he’d started with a kiss

A shower was recommended with a warm bath in between
It didn’t help my problem but I’ve never been so clean

I’d almost accepted that I’d never find relief
Then one evening, a miracle, as I cleaned my teeth

My new electric toothbrush more than whitened up my smile
Turned it on and bingo, I started flowing like the Nile

How a toothbrush freed my bladder is purely speculation
I suspect it has to do with the continuous vibration

Teeth to jaw, along my spine right down to my pelvis
Soon my stubborn little prostate was jumping round like Elvis

So if you see me in the urinal at the pub one Sunday night
My member in my left hand a toothbrush in my right

Don’t worry, nothing untoward, purely synergetic
I’m opening the spillway with my electronic diuretic

© Copyright 2020 Ian Bland


Also have a listen to “Everything or Nothing

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