Bland On Bland – Holiday

The theme this week for Jon’s JVG Radio Method on 3RRR is “HOLIDAY“. Fairly obvious why, Jon is packing up for the annual break. Just like the rest of the country. I asked Ed for a “holiday” themed backing this week. You won’t believe what he did.

Jon and I don’t. Truly priceless.

Click here for the poem [audio:JVG_Poem20081221.mp3]

Have a great break. The show will be back late January 2009 or early Feb


In Australia Christmas means holidays – a time for the nation to relax
Dressed in shorts and thongs and the novelty T-Shirts, Santa has left in your sacks

Your credit card’s pounded more than Kosta Tszyu ensuring those sacks are overflowing
You decorate your trees in forty degrees and try to pretend that it’s snowing

Like spiders, Australian’s cling to the coast, like blondes to a bottle of bleach
Like flies to a barbie, tow trucks to a prang – in summer we flock to the beach

From Merimbula to Metung to Maroochydore – from Woolamai to Mallacoota
From Ulladulla to Mollymook to Bermagui – from Tootgarook to Narooma

Remember a time before we knew of e-coli and our water seemed clear as a bell
And Ozone, to the few who knew it existed – was no more than a Queenscliff Hotel

There were nothing but hamlets on The Great Ocean Road from Torquay to Apollo Bay
You could swim on your own for hours un-disturbed, apart from brushing the odd turd away

Even working class families could venture to Portsea – not just the nobs and the wealthy
Eight hours in the sun without shirt or a hat, considered not only prudent – but healthy

No digital cameras to capture the moment, our memory cards were built in
Those memories flooded back all year long as you peeled off each chunk of skin

Beach shacks were no more than lean to’s – covered in asbestos sheeting
Now you must have a pool, Jacuzzi and aircon and the mandatory central heating

Kids would go swimming or down the arcade, Dad would go fishing or drink
For Mum it was six weeks indentured labour – the furthest she went was the sink

Things might be tight as they are for so many – some barely cover their rent
But a beer tastes no better in a five star resort than a banana lounge, caravan or tent

But these uncertain times have hit many hard – there’s little left on the shelves
So remember them, this holiday – those worse off than yourselves

Like the Managing Directors and CEO’s – they’ve never had it tougher
And it’s heartbreaking – a tragedy to watch the merchant bankers suffer

Those fifteen million dollar bonuses used to spread a lot of cheer
Since the slump they’re scraping by on less than half this year

While those greedy bloody teachers – and those nurses – what a cheek!
Don’t generate a thing and demand an extra thirty bucks – each! – a week!

As for GDP – tell me – what have teachers ever done!
How many export dollars do nurses bring in – I’ll tell you – not a single one!

But it’s the holidays – forget the world’s problems – take a break from the trouble and strife
There’ll be plenty of time to worry later – hell you’ve got the rest of your life!

The economy might be in meltdown – It’s happened before – it won’t last
But these few precious days with family and friends – they’ll slip away twice as fast

This is a time to count your blessings – negative thoughts aren’t allowed
We’ve had sun and good rain, and there’s food on the table and for twelve months now no John Howard

© Copyright 2008 Ian Bland

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