Bland On Bland – The BookThe theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Inflatable Things“.

Well, that was worthy of BBC radio farce. I could hear JVG, the audience could hear us both but JVG claimed he couldn’t hear me. So he gave up just put the poem to air and then claimed he couldn’t hear the poem either.

I think Jon left the mute button on but we will never know, will we?


Ed Bates provided the dobro backing. Thatch provided the audio production, have a listen to how it went below…

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:


Inflatable Things

The late Red Bluff Hotel, long gone though still lamented
The brew they served wasn’t bad; the patrons more fermented

A lad was getting married and as tradition then dictated
They had a bucks turn in the bar; a tradition overrated

A pretty tame affair involving lots of alcohol
Party pies, a jukebox and Marlene – a blowup doll

They took turns to dance with Marlene; nothing untoward
A good time was had by all; except Marlene, who looked bored

What’s not to like about party pies and dickheads filled with booze?
You try dancing the limbo to Huey Lewis and the News

They started drinking vodka shots, the lot of them were blind
They were all thrown out at ten o’clock, only Marlene stayed behind

She sat quietly in the corner, remained in the bar all week
The barman asked her where she lived but Marlene couldn’t speak

Friday night Slug came in for his usual post week binge
He took a shine to Marlene, though he seemed to make her cringe

Offered her a cigarette but she wouldn’t be coerced
Probably just as well; one match she might have burst

Ushered her to the bistro; Oysters Kilpatrick no less
Tried wooing her with a Mai Tai, but Marlene was hard to impress

Patrons offended by Marlene’s presence, management infuriated
The pressure began to takes its toll; Marlene was looking deflated

They were banished back to the public bar but Marlene didn’t care
Maybe she was a little pumped up but Slug was full of hot air

He left her by the coat rack while he got back on the piss
It didn’t bother Marlene though; she knew she was better than this

Women, even plastic ones, still often wear the strife
Slug got off with a warning; Marlene was barred for life

© Copyright 2020 Ian Bland


Also have a listen to “Everything or Nothing

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