Bland On Bland – Keys

Photo By Jools Thatcher
Photo By Jools Thatcher

The theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Keys”.

Good afternoon Jon and greetings from Coventry, the home of two tone.

Great weather, summer of course over here, which means festival season.

A big week of music, I caught among the many, The Happy Mondays, The Selector, Dave Sanders, Neville Staples, Wes Finch and about fifty ska bands sporting ex members of The Specials plus a great raw set from The Buzzcocks who continue to age disgracefully – Pete Shelley is looking even older than Ed.

Anyway, enough idle chat, I have some keys to find

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:

Also have a listen to the songs on the New Album “Angel In Reverse


No, you had them last remember?
Don’t get in a flap
It’s not my responsibility
What a load of crap

I admit I said I had the keys
But I wasn’t referring to yours
I meant “keys” as in piano
Not “keys” that unlock doors

I’m not a bloody idiot
Of course I’ve got a spare
I hid it in the garden
Just can’t remember where

Ah! I stashed it in that Buddha
You bought in Byron Bay
Near the barbie- Oh shit! I chucked it
The last hard rubbish day

Oh, sorry, hands up, you’ve got me
I confess, I’ll cop it sweet
It was that smart arsed grin it gave me
Every time I grilled some meat

We’ll talk about that in the morning
It’s almost three o’clock
Forget your precious Buddha
He can’t help us with the lock

I’ll have to force a window
Give it a little shake
Don’t worry, I’ve done it a thousand times
I promise the glass won’t – break

A little collateral damage
At least I got us inside
For God’s sake what’s your issue now?
Oh, the backdoor was open wide

Well, we’ve learnt a valuable lesson
Always make sure you lock it
Check everything twice before you leave
Oh! The keys were in my pocket

© Copyright 2014 Ian Bland

One Reply to “Bland On Bland – Keys”

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.