Bland On Bland – The BookThe theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Kids“.

Had to phone this week’s poem in, so the quaility is a bit last century. Not unlike the topic when I think about it.

No Ed Bates providing the guitar backing, but have a listen to hear how it went below…

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:


“Bloody kids” snarled Norm “they’re always up to tricks
Can’t trust those bloody kids, the shifty little pricks

Roaming round the streets, hanging round the park
God knows what those bloody kids get up to after dark

Graffiti, vandalism; tell them off they give you lip
Macca’s wrappers everywhere, place looks like a tip

Jumping skateboards from handrails; don’t give a stuff what’s wrecked
That’s the bloody trouble these days, bloody kids have no respect”

“Oh shut up Norm you old coot” wife Althea gruffly sighed
“Give the kids a break will ya, you’re never satisfied

You’re a misery to be around, constantly annoyed
It’s becoming an obsession, I think you’re paranoid”

“Tell that to my roses” Norm began to pout
Every flower stripped overnight, those bloody kids, no doubt

Althea wasn’t backing down “Norm, for goodness sake
Every time a kid rides past you’re out there with your rake”

“Well its war” Norman shouted “they’re not scared of getting caught
Bloody judges let them off, bloody kids think its sport”

Put them in the army, they’d soon change their ways
They couldn’t do one push up those bloody kids these days

I’ve hardly slept all week, I can’t take it anymore
There’s been giggling every night in the bloody park next door

And that oompa loompa music; till three AM it played
It’s alright for you love; you turn off your hearing aid

I know they’re up to something and I’ll find out what tonight
I’ll sneak in with me torch and give those bloody kids a fright”

He crept through the bushes, towards the faintest glow
Strangely now the music sounded more like Matt Monro

Norm switched on the torch and caught the culprits by surprise
Two of them entwined, Norm could not believe his eyes

Like rabbit’s in the headlights they sat up straight and froze
A bed of rose petals spread beside a pile of clothes

Norm returned home in an oddly pensive mood
Althea felt concerned, she’d never seen Norm so subdued

“Well tell me, did you catch them?” Norm just shook his head
“No they got away” he mumbled “must have seen my torch and fled

Saw Merv Healy and Vi Cockroft from the bowling club mixed pairs
They were working on their technique and other bowling club affairs

“In the dark?” Althea scoffed “you can’t bowl without a light”
“You’d think” Norm agreed “but they seemed to do alright”

“But you’d never see the jack” Althea lost in laughter
“I guarantee the jack” Norm quipped “is the last thing they were after

You know, I think it’s time we moved. This suburb’s on the skids
Even the old bastards behave like bloody kids”

© Copyright 2018 Ian Bland

Also have a listen to “Everything or Nothing

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