RRRBBQDay2014_046The theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Legs“.

Always a pleasure when we see Sarah Carroll in the studio, JVG is still having issues with Ed’s new guitar and I decided that we had been away from the “neighborhood” for way too long.

Thanks to Ed Bates for his excellent backing today (we definitely all like the new guitar)
To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:



“Is this some kind of joke”? “Pig” Mills gruffly roared
As he tucked into a Boston Bun with cream
He was laughing at a sign posted on the notice board
Recruiting players to the local football team

“Looks fine to me”: “Rabbit” wondered what he could have missed
There was nothing there to trigger “Piggy’s” mirth
“It’s Quentin Fibbs” mocked “Pig”, “who wrote his name on the list?”
“He’s got no legs, and hasn’t had since birth”

At state school they’d played footy with another lad named “Legs”
He shared his namesake’s grit without a doubt
The logic behind nicknames, I guess the question begs
He had legs but no arms: so work that out

Lindy Dent saw red at “Pig’s” sarcastic tone
She didn’t like his scorn and let him know
“Pig”, you useless knob, all you do is knock and moan
You’re spineless; at least “Legs” has a go”

“At least “Legs”has a go” was slightly condescending
But everybody knew what Lindy meant
Besides, it didn’t bother “Legs”, he needed no defending
As for “Pig”, well, they left him to lament

Quentin “Legs” Fibbs, raised by his Aunt Louise
Who taught him, self pity is a load of rot
“You’ll be patronised, coddled, overlooked and teased
Forget the haven’ts, just show them what you’ve got”

“Legs” couldn’t kick a football: end of story, done
A fact, there was just no way around
But on his hands he was faster than most of them could run
And could handball half way down the ground

Too strong in the arms for opposition teams to shackle
He’d steal the ball and dart between their knees
It was impossible to grab him without it deemed a head high tackle
He topped the stats – half of those in frees

Though he rarely took a mark, he was gun around the packs
He’d nail them with a shoulder to the shin
Then paddle round the boundary, leave opponents in his tracks
The ball held securely by his chin

Might have won the best and fairest if he hadn’t been suspended
None could match his doggedness and guts
An opponent called him “Tadpole”, and found himself upended
“Legs” dropped him with a head butt to the nuts

He was forced into retirement, despite his dogged zeal
The Doc said he was risking long term harm
Of course hammy’s weren’t a problem: he had no Achilles Heel
It was chronic tennis elbow in both arms

To support the young recruits, “Legs” still went down to training
No player wore the jumper with more pride
When he ran drills, no-one would contemplate complaining
They appointed “Legs” to coach the senior side

“Rabbit” played five seasons and “Squirrel” three or four
They rated “Legs” their favourite coach by far
“Pig” sniggered, “It’s like a blind person learning you to draw
Or a deaf mute learning you guitar”

Lindy snarled at “Pig” “There is sight and there is vision
The brightest of stars can still be dim”
“You’re bonkers” sneered “Pig” with a smug air of derision
He didn’t see her quip referred to him

After seven years in charge “Legs” handed in the reigns
But not before he’d seen three flags unfurled
He hadn’t lost his passion: adventure in his veins
He was planning to sail solo round the world

Things you cannot change can break you or make you
Best put into words by “Leg’s” Aunt
“He’s done things they said he shouldn’t: things that others wouldn’t
But he’s shown up all the fools who’ve said he can’t”

© Copyright 2015 Ian Bland

Also have a listen to the songs on the New Album “Angel In Reverse

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