Photo By Jools Thatcher

Photo By Jools Thatcher

The theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “ Losing Your Virginity “.

Thanks Jon, this is obviously payback for having the week off last week while we all went down support the Megahertz at the Community Cup  (do have a look at Tim Chmielewski pics , I especially like the sequence at the bottom of Page 4. Nice work Tim)

So, NO I am not going to talk about “Losing My Virginity” the range of  topic is broader than that, we will be off the the neighbourhood today to investigate further.

Yes, that’s right, move along there’s nothing to see here.

Just press play

Ed Bates played the slide guitar background this week.

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:

Also have a listen to the tracks on the new EP “Once We Were Kings Of The World

Losing Your Virginity

Losing your virginity

Subtle understatement wasn’t one of “Pig” Mill’s crimes
His virginity, he claimed, he’d lost a dozen times

He called himself, The Swordsman, virile, skilled and rabid
But everybody knew his sword had never left its scabbard

Joybelle Leech was judged by most, the hottest girl in school
But none could get a look in; they named her “Queen of Cool”

“Romantic” Ronnie Russo rasped with post pubescent zeal
“Can’t even squeeze a pash from Joy, what hope to cop a feel?”

When Joybelle propositioned “Pig” – the males went into shock
As word swept round the schoolyard they thought it was a crock

None more stunned than “Pig” himself, despite his playboy air
Had no idea of who did what and when, with which and where

The time was set for Friday night, the Leech’s garden shed
“Pig” was wracked with fear and doubt, excitement tinged with dread

In need of fortifying if he hoped to lose his cherry
Strength found in a flagon of his mother’s cooking sherry

Joy poured “Pig” a cocktail when she greeted him at nine
A blend of Brandivino, Blackberry Nip and Ginger Wine

What transpired that evening is not for me to say
Though “Pig” was quick to tell the world of his masterly display

Every expert move, every thrust and grind
Less to do with fact than “Pig’s” ambitious mind

His cred jumped up a notch or two; his ego went on booster
For a week or so, at his behest, they changed his name to “Rooster”

We’ll jump forward a dozen years; a meeting, quite by chance
“Rabbit” McGorry sees Joybelle while backpacking round France

They reminisce about old friends; school days, good and bad
Then Joybelle mentions “Pig” Mills name and the night of love they had

“I’m lesbian” laughed Joybelle “and no-one had a clue”
“Kids can make life miserable; it was best that no-one knew”

“I’d knocked back every boy in school; began to feel the heat”
“So I picked the biggest dickhead who I knew’d be indiscreet”

“Filled him up with liquor till he passed out on the floor”
“Removed his pants, did my nails, then read a book till four”

“He rolled round in a stupor, let go a fart and then a moan”
“While humping what he thought was me – a bag of blood and bone”

“When he woke up in the morning, simply told him he was great”
“Took off to tell his friends, no goodbyes, he couldn’t wait”

“Of course, he told the world; both my hope and expectation”
“To safeguard my secret I trashed my reputation!”

“Rabbit” felt a sadness, a travesty, a curse
Those forced to live a lie or be ostracised – or worse

He pondered as to whether he should tell “Pig” Mills the truth
Crush his greatest moment, the only highlight of his youth

Even if he told him, “Pig” would never understand
How prejudice conspired to force young Joybelle’s hand

Some men have fragile egos often coupled to their groin
“Rabbit” couldn’t make the call; instead, he tossed a coin

Tails, poetic justice, “Pig” would never be the wiser
His cherry, lost forever, to a sack of fertiliser

© Copyright 2012 Ian Bland

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