Bland On Bland – The BookThe theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Lying Down“.

Good afternoon Jon, and greetings for the last time, at least this trip, from Coventry.

It’s quite incredible how similar in some ways our countries are.
We have Tony Abbott and England has Boris Johnson.

Both store their shoes in their mouths, both take great pleasure in backdooring their leaders and both fancy themselves as future Prime Ministers – the only difference being, for one of them at least, it’s never going to happen.

Next week I am being transported back to the Antipodes for crimes against culture and good taste and it is with more than a tinge of sadness I pack my things ready for the trip home. Sad to be leaving, yet very happy to be arriving home in time for Radiothon, which of course everybody in the UK is talking about – makes a welcome relief from all the bullshit about Brexit.

Anyway, have to get back to my packing – no time to lie down


To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:

Lying Down

I read the news today, oh boy
Not much there to give you joy

Earthquakes, wars, interest rates
Breaking news from The States

Seems they’ve proved the earth is flat
Not spherical: imagine that

Science, logic, both dismissed
Gravity does not exist

Electromagnetism’s found
To be what keeps us on the ground

Though some believe this concept odd
Claim we’re held to earth by God

“Ridiculous” others scoff
Or atheists would just float off

The earth’s curve is all illusion
Worse than that, a plot, collusion

Conspiracy; a hoax, a lie
Though no-one gives a reason why

“Governments” flat earthers claim
Though which and who and what to gain?

I guess that means there’s no equator
They’ll figure out the details later

Reach the edge do things just drop?
Who’s underneath and who’s on top?

Lying here, tucked up in bed
Am I on my arse or on my head?

What keeps the coffee in my cup?
Am I lying down or lying up?

I wish someone had told me sooner
All that stops me falling is my doona

There are things you wish you didn’t know
Now the floor gives me vertigo

At first I thought the theory mad
Now my attitude has changed a tad

It could have merit to be fair
It does at least explain Trump’s hair

© Copyright 2018 Ian Bland


Also have a listen to “Everything or Nothing

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