Bland On Bland – Made Up Words

Bland On Bland – The BookThe theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Made Up Words“.

OK, now this one would be a no brainer you would think. Jon has just handed this one to me on a plate.

As a person who makes up words for songs and poems as a living, I have this in the bag. AND THEN…

And then Jon says “Not made up like that you silly bugger. Fake made up words like politicians and advertisers use”

Well, that as they say took all the wind out of my sail and it all started to look like hard work.

Do you know how hard it is to invent words?

Do you know how hard it is to write when your bloody spell checker is going off every second word?

Here such as it is, is the week’s effort and for the first time this year, we are visiting the neighbourhood.


Ed Bates provided the music backing and sound effects. Thatch provided the audio production, have a listen to how it went below…

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:

Made Up Words

Made up words

‘Pig’ did not look happy, in fact verging on irate
He kept glaring at his sausage and the one on ‘Rabbit’s’ plate

“Hey ‘Pig’ what’s up your bum?” ‘Rabbit’ didn’t mess about
“Don’t just sit there sulking, c’mon, spit it out”

“The disparagy” spluttered ‘Pig’ trying hard not to gag
“The flagracious discrepencity between my banger and your snag

The undenibalous contrastation that beggars obviousity
The diametricalness and extentionalitly is inequal in unequality”

‘Rabbit’ stroked his chin “Are you trying to pull my chain?
Or maybe you’ve been snorting the chilli sauce again

You’re so worked up you’ve had a stroke, or maybe hit your head
Because I haven’t, aside from snag, understood a word you said

“It’s simple terminologence” barked ‘Pig’ exasperated
“I’m inferring to dimensionalityness if you want it stupificated

T he cubical volumeinity to be more or less specifical
Or magnitudicaly in-congruetiant if you prefer it scientifical

It may well not be as it is, due to fluctuance in the flame
The variousness of the binarials means identicals aren’t the same”

“Tell me if I’ve got this straight” sighed ‘Rabbit’ after a pause
What this gibberish is all about is my sausage is bigger than yours?”

“Of course it is you tonk” ‘Pig’ let out a whine
“In that case” ‘Rabbit’ sighed “give me yours and you have mine”

“Weigh them first” ‘Pig’ insisted “make sure I’ve got it right
On second thoughts, swap them back, they look different in this light”

“I have an idea” smiled ‘Rabbit’ “I’m sure you’ll find this fair
I seemed to have lost my appetite, so you can have the pair”

“What’s wrong with them?” quizzed ‘Pig’ “something I didn’t notice?”
“Nothing” sighed ‘Rabbit’ “just a sudden attack of Brainhurtusdickheadyosis”

I offer equal opportunity ‘Pig’, not something you’ve probably heard”
“Equal opportunity” sneered ‘Pig’ “there’s no such bloody word”

© Copyright 2021 Ian Bland

Also have a listen to “Everything or Nothing

One Reply to “Bland On Bland – Made Up Words”

  1. Haha, all very clever and funny! Can’t wait for you and Greg to amuse and delight the audience on 3 July at The Bruthen Fringe Cafe, cheers, Pamela

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