Bland On Bland – The BookThe theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Mirrors“.

A great show this week. JVG had invited the Broads in to do a pre-launch of their new song “Mirrors” He decided that would make a great theme. He was right.

Back to the “neighbourhood” and one of our heroes has a brush with the fickleness of fashion. Honestly, it almost wrote itself.

We also had Dan Warner back doing “Warner Corner” this week and he was also in fine form if a little “croaky” (he claims I thought the song sounded great)

No Ed this week so have a listen to hear how the poem went below…

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:


“How do I look?” quizzed ‘Rabbit’: a rhetorical question at best
Yellow stovepipes, lime green shirt, pink socks and paisley vest

He was off to a social, his very first date and keen to keep up with the trends
Escorting Joan Filk, a girl he’d not met; her mum and his mum were friends

‘Squirrel’ looked ‘Rabbit’ up and down before rasping “Bloody hell
You’re standing in front of the mirror ‘Rabbit’ you ought to be able to tell”

“Yeah but I’d like your opinion, any advice”. He was after a bit of support
The others looked around nervously, afraid to say what they thought

“Perhaps if you look in the mirror again” ‘Squirrel’s’ subtle suggestion
“But I’m asking you” ‘Rabbit’ responded “can’t you just answer the question?”

“Well, it’s colourful” smiled Lindy “there’s not much point asking us”
“Colourful?” ‘Pig’ laughed “Colourful? He looks like a bucket of puss

Who’s your designer, the green grocer? You could be a vegetable stew
A large box of Derwent Pencils contains less colours than you

Sharpies catch you dressed like that they’ll grind you’re face into paste
If they don’t get you the coppers will for crimes against good taste

“What would you know?” ‘Rabbit’ replied “you’ve never been to a dance
You can’t even dress yourself, dickhead, your mum has to do up your pants

This is Carnaby Street, the height of fashion; got the pictures from a magazine
My aunty found the material, whipped them up on her sewing machine

Sort of clobber the Beatles wear; Herman’s Hermits, Ross D. Wylie, Cilla Black
Your brains like your undies ‘Nappy Breath’ are wedged firmly up your crack

Well wish me luck” ‘Rabbit’ chirped, excitement written cross his face
Less than thirty minutes later he slunk back to ‘Spanner’s’ place

“Forget something ‘Rabbit’?” Lindy enquired, checking all was fine
“Not really” he mumbled “Joan’s not well, we’ll go out some other time

I went to her house, Joan answered the door, but I barely got to see her
She was forced to cancel, her mum said it was sudden onset diarrhea”

“I wonder what caused that?” ‘Pig’ smirked and feigned surprise
“Sudden onset diarrhea eh? What, diarrhea of the eyes?”

‘Rabbit’ shuffled past the mirror, glanced at his reflection
The once flamboyant peacock now a picture of dejection

“Hey ‘Squirrel’” ‘Rabbit’ sighed “hate to say it, you were right
How could I not see it? It looks different in this light

God, you should have told me, I look awful, I could cry
It needs a mustard velvet cape and a purple tartan tie”

© Copyright 2018 Ian Bland

Also have a listen to “Everything or Nothing

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