The theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Money“.
Money
Had ‘Pig’ Mills penned a book on food he’d have written it in batter
He loved quality and quantity; overridingly the latter
His doctor, Hobson Crabbe, was concerned how much ‘Pig’ ate
In the interests of good health ‘Pig’ would need to halve his weight
Crabbe ordered him to exercise; ‘Pig’ rigorously protested
So to halve his weight he’d need to halve the calories ingested
Halving ‘Pig’s’ lunch money was a task left to his mother
His usual pie and cream bun would now be one but not the other
The concept of choosing ‘Pig’ found quite surreal
A pie without a bun was just not a balanced meal
He pilfered his money box; alas roles had been reversed
The coins replaced by curtain weights; his mum had got their first
Necessity is claimed to be the mother of invention
Compared to greed and gluttony it doesn’t rate a mention
While ‘Pig’s’ grades were the lowest in the history of the school
Underestimate rat cunning, it is you who are the fool
‘Pig’s” neural oscillations made a sloth look a gazelle
But when aroused by hunger they could melt the Gates of Hell
‘Pig’ devised a plan to address his deprivations
He bought a pie at lunchtime and began negotiations
He swapped his pie with ‘Rabbit’ for two sausage rolls
Which he passed on to ‘Squirrel’ for three coffee scrolls
Two scrolls went to Bruno for ten Ginger Snaps
The third to Lindy Dent in exchange, five licorice straps
He kept one strap as commission; split the four into pairs
Ten Jelly Beans for one lot, the other, two éclairs
The éclairs picked up by ‘Spanner’ in a most audacious trade
For two Bertie Beetles and a Frosty Lemonade
Which bundled with nine Jelly Beans ‘Pig’ put out to tender
He couldn’t have envisaged the frenzy he’d engender
They bid Cho Choo Bars and Dim Sims, but ‘Pig’ stuck to his guns
Finally dealing with the Buntley twins in exchange for two cream buns
He set aside the larger bun to be personally consumed
Put the smaller on the table and the bidding war resumed
When offered with the Ginger Snaps, again demand was high
‘Rabbit’ won the bidding and in return gave back ‘Pig’s’ pie
That left ‘Pig’ one jelly bean which he’d normally eat of course
He traded that to ‘Squirrel’ for a small sachet of sauce
He had his Cream Bun and his pie; ‘Pig’ had bartered well
Not half bad for a lad who couldn’t add or spell
‘Pig” devoured his well earned feast, almost too tired to speak
“If I have to work like this to eat I’ll lose the weight inside a week”
Money has its value though not as much as some believe
Ingenuity can realise what money can’t achieve
© Copyright 2018 Ian Bland
Also have a listen to “Everything or Nothing”