December 2, 2018 | Ian Bland | Leave a comment The theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Money“. Money Had ‘Pig’ Mills penned a book on food he’d have written it in batter He loved quality and quantity; overridingly the latter His doctor, Hobson Crabbe, was concerned how much ‘Pig’ ate In the interests of good health ‘Pig’ would need to halve his weight Crabbe ordered him to exercise; ‘Pig’ rigorously protested So to halve his weight he’d need to halve the calories ingested Halving ‘Pig’s’ lunch money was a task left to his mother His usual pie and cream bun would now be one but not the other The concept of choosing ‘Pig’ found quite surreal A pie without a bun was just not a balanced meal He pilfered his money box; alas roles had been reversed The coins replaced by curtain weights; his mum had got their first Necessity is claimed to be the mother of invention Compared to greed and gluttony it doesn’t rate a mention While ‘Pig’s’ grades were the lowest in the history of the school Underestimate rat cunning, it is you who are the fool ‘Pig’s” neural oscillations made a sloth look a gazelle But when aroused by hunger they could melt the Gates of Hell ‘Pig’ devised a plan to address his deprivations He bought a pie at lunchtime and began negotiations He swapped his pie with ‘Rabbit’ for two sausage rolls Which he passed on to ‘Squirrel’ for three coffee scrolls Two scrolls went to Bruno for ten Ginger Snaps The third to Lindy Dent in exchange, five licorice straps He kept one strap as commission; split the four into pairs Ten Jelly Beans for one lot, the other, two éclairs The éclairs picked up by ‘Spanner’ in a most audacious trade For two Bertie Beetles and a Frosty Lemonade Which bundled with nine Jelly Beans ‘Pig’ put out to tender He couldn’t have envisaged the frenzy he’d engender They bid Cho Choo Bars and Dim Sims, but ‘Pig’ stuck to his guns Finally dealing with the Buntley twins in exchange for two cream buns He set aside the larger bun to be personally consumed Put the smaller on the table and the bidding war resumed When offered with the Ginger Snaps, again demand was high ‘Rabbit’ won the bidding and in return gave back ‘Pig’s’ pie That left ‘Pig’ one jelly bean which he’d normally eat of course He traded that to ‘Squirrel’ for a small sachet of sauce He had his Cream Bun and his pie; ‘Pig’ had bartered well Not half bad for a lad who couldn’t add or spell ‘Pig” devoured his well earned feast, almost too tired to speak “If I have to work like this to eat I’ll lose the weight inside a week” Money has its value though not as much as some believe Ingenuity can realise what money can’t achieve © Copyright 2018 Ian Bland Also have a listen to “Everything or Nothing” <a href=”http://music.ianbland.com.au/album/everything-and-nothing”>Everything And Nothing by Ian Bland</a> Share this:TweetEmailMoreTelegram