Bland On Bland – The BookThe theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Multiple Partners“.

Personally, I think that JVG needs to stay away from reality TV. How else can you explain the increasingly “voyeruristic” turn that the weekly themes seem to be taking?

Let’s face it cant be like the television channels and a shameless populist grab for ratings…


Ed Bates provided the guitar backing, have a listen to how it went below…

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:

Multiple Partners

Arnold loved a wedding; the pageantry and passion
The church and reception; limousines and fashion

The meticulous planning; rehearsals, bridal showers
Champagne and dancing; the speeches and the flowers

Fear of commitment wasn’t one of Arnold’s crimes
Quite the opposite in fact; he’d committed eighteen times

Wealth was the measure Arnold used to choose a bride
With the formalities over they were quickly brushed aside

Arnold truly loved a wedding though less enamoured with a wife
And the banality he perceived to be the core of married life

“Been married thirty years” he’d boast, tongue firmly in his cheek
Thirty years to eighteen brides, leaving most within a week

Once the honeymoon was over his ardour quickly waned
His bride returning home to find her bank accounts were drained

Arnold’s cruel behaviour left them naturally perplexed
By the time the penny dropped he was lining up the next

Despite humiliation his bride would never dream
They were only one small cog in Arnold’s nuptial Ponzi Scheme

Arnold, became Kevin, became Roger, became Jack
The money and the man himself, impossible to track

Since no trace was found, the law could not be enforced
For although a groom eighteen times, not once was he divorced

A narcissist by nature; a bigamist by trade
As no bride knew of another wife no charges could be laid

Then the groom, once known as Arnold, met Minnie at the bank
He observed her bulging wallet and introduced himself – as Frank

He wooed Min for months, which was for him, unprecedented
Though at first she feigned indifference, Min eventually relented

Another payday loomed, further fuelling his ambition
Alas, arrogance and vanity had fogged his intuition

Such conceit made him careless and would prove his fatal flaw
He didn’t even twig he had married Min before

While Arnold worked to win her heart, Min made a few enquiries
Pieced it all together having trawled through Arnold’s diaries

The service, a small affair; followed by their wedding night
Min insisted, citing modesty, they first turn off the light

Arnold did as she requested and counted slowly up to ten
It wasn’t what he’d hoped for when the light came on again

The sight that greeted Arnold filled his callous heart with dread
All his eighteen wives in their gowns stood round the bed

Once they’d divvied up his loot they proposed a small tattoo
‘Bigamist’ should ensure his polygamist days were through

They chose a part of his anatomy known to fluctuate in size
The excruciating pain brought tears to Arnold’s eyes

Whether due to pain or temperature, one can only guess
Half way through, the canvas shrunk, they only got as far as ‘S’

Arnold, now known as ‘Bigermis’ was too traumatised to speak
Though he’s reminded of his wicked past every time he takes a leak

© Copyright 2018 Ian Bland


Also have a listen to “Everything or Nothing

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.