Bland On Bland – Nature

Bland On Bland – The BookThe theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Nature“.

A good theme this week, “Nature”. This idea for this one had been sitting around half-finished for a while. Now I know why it was half-finished. It got there in the end.

Hope you enjoy it

Ed Bates provided the music backing and sound effects. Thatch provided the audio production, have a listen to how it went below…

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:


Henry loved nature; God’s glory to behold
Like all God’s gifts however, it had to be controlled

Equilibrium maintained lest things get out of whack
An accountant by profession, he’d keep things in the black

Nature must have balance to exist in harmony
What Henry found harmonious was more like OCD

Beauty was subjective, while order was divine
God help the plant or beastie that refused to toe the line

Henry loved nature, though its ways, at times, uncouth
He poisoned all the birds; they were shitting on his roof

Felled all his Silky Oaks, the bastards made him sneeze
Allowing him at last to see the forest for the trees

The possums next to go, culled for their degradations
The mortal sin of feasting on Henry’s prized carnations

The carnations quickly followed; not one flower left alive
Their unforgivable crime was dropping petals in the drive

Henry loved nature, but he suffered allergies
So he dug up all the shrubs and dispatched all the bees

Slimy snails, beetles, cicadas, millipedes
Leaves, dust, blossoms, grass and worst of all – the weeds

Despite daily sprays with glyphosate, liberally applied
The weeds, to Henry’s ire, didn’t die, they multiplied

He felt besieged, mocked, enslaved; it was proving all to hard
So he had the lawn ripped up and he concreted the yard

Henry loved nature as long as things were neat and clean
So purely for aesthetics he had the concrete painted green

Finally rid of all things living, he no longer had to mow
And found to his delight, concrete didn’t seem to grow

Henry loved nature and all who shared his views
One night in a storm he found couldn’t get Fox News

He climbed up to the roof to check the wiring to his set
He’d forgotten his connection was via the internet

It proved a fatal error, nature’s boy lit up the sky
A bolt of lightning struck, swatting Henry like a fly

To think we pull the strings is the puppetry of fools
Nothing good awaits those ignoring nature’s rules

© Copyright 2021 Ian Bland

Also have a listen to “Everything or Nothing

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