Bland On Bland – Needles

Bland On Bland – The BookThe theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Needles “.

Another trip to the neighbourhood this week…


Ed Bates provided the music backing and sound effects. Thatch provided the audio production, have a listen to how it went below…

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:

Injections / Needles

“How deep do they stick it in you” “Pig” Mills let out a groan
“I’ve been told” sobbed Barry Ayres, “Until they hit the bone”

The headmaster’s announcement left the students gripped with fear
Next Monday, a medical – they’d dreaded it all year

They’d heard the gruesome details from the veterans in Grade Five
“Pig” Mills began to question if he’d make it through alive

Every fold and orifice opened for inspection
The worst saved till last; that word, most foul – injection

The smallest speck of blood was enough to make “Pig” faint
His fire engine was blue ‘cause he couldn’t bear red paint

The atmosphere was sombre as they wandered back to class
Was it really two foot long? In the arm or in the arse?

“Squirrel” felt uneasy and Bruno seemed on edge
It was hard to tell with “Spanner” as usual, like a veg

Lindy Dent’s concern was she’d miss Arithmetic
“Pig” Mills, close to panic had to go home early sick

His father bumbled round in an effort to placate
Told “Pig” about the time he copped the finger up the date

He hoped to calm “Pig” down, let him know what to expect
Instead his graphic story had a laxative effect

Come that fateful Monday, it was hard to find a smile
They lined up in the corridor, alphabetically, single file

Barry Ayres went first, they dragged him in there screaming
Put up a valiant struggle judging by the Doc’s blaspheming

“Spanner” Chaplee followed; Lindy Dent went next
With every name called out “Piggy’s” colon flexed

When his turn finally came he let out a mournful shriek
They asked his date of birth but “Piggy” couldn’t speak

They tried to take his pulse but resigned themselves at last
The nurse threw up her hands, said she couldn’t count that fast

Checked temperature three times then whipped his undies off
Grabbed him by the marbles and ordered him to cough

“Pig” grasped the medic’s stethoscope, begging him to stop
The doctor’s hands were colder than a frozen “Paddle Pop”

While “Pig” was occupied trying to free the family bling
The nurse whacked in the needle; “Pig” didn’t feel a thing

He staggered from the cubicle without the slightest doubt
These were the perverts his mum kept warning him about

“Rabbit” on the other hand appeared as right as rain
The needle might have stung a bit but nothing like the cane

He gave “Squirrel” reassurance “It’s not as bad as “Piggy” reckons”
To prove his words weren’t hollow, he lined up again, for seconds

“If a jab prevents disease” he reasoned “Why not have a double?”
This was the first day in memory “Rabbit” hadn’t been in trouble

Mr Fishman quizzed the class when they fronted school next day
What they’d learned from the experience, what they took away

“Rabbit” raised his hand, keen to offer his advice
“If it’s worth doing once, it’s worth doing twice”

Lindy Dent, as always, spoke insightfully
“Things usually aren’t as bad as you think they’re going to be”

Then “Pig” cleared his throat, eager to expand
“Before fondling your grapes make sure they’ve warmed their hand”

Pointing proudly at his arm, he gave the victory sign
“I’ve overcome my fear of blood; unless, of course, it’s mine”

© Copyright 2021 Ian Bland


Also have a listen to “Everything or Nothing

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