Photo By Jools Thatcher

Photo By Jools Thatcher

The theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “New Zealand“. And once again RRR and JVG are e at the National Gallery of Victoria fora live to air show and a great afternoon of free live music with a Kiwi flavour. A celebration of summer, art and live music with Lawrence Arabia (NZ), The Frowning Clouds and The Twerps.

It was a last chance to visit the Unnerved exhibition hear talks throughout the afternoon by local Kiwi curators and artists. I didn’t even mind the weather forcing us all indoors – I have now performed in the Great Hall of the gallery.

Play this poem directly in your browser! Just click the “play” button below:
[audio:JVG_Poem20110227.mp3]

Also have a listen to my album “Drifter


New Zealand

New Zealand and Australia; like siblings, sister and brother
At heart, truly the best of mates, but like to needle each other

The heartbreak unfolding in Christchurch, if that situation was reversed
If we were the ones in need of support, the Kiwis would be lining up first

Always fiercely competitive, yet we hold each other dear
Those bungee jumpers must really like us, why else would so many live here?

Kiwis are never inhospitable; well, I guess you can never say never
It’s probably different if your surname’s Chappell and given names Greg or Trevor

There aren’t many famous Kiwis, with good reason, that’s because
As soon as they make a name for themselves we reckon they come from Oz

We lure them out for The Logies, or some other gala occasion
Then commandeer their identities with that borderless label “Australasian”

Fred Hollows, Guy Pearce, Rebecca Gibney, Grant Bowler and John Clarke
Mike Rann, the Premier of South Australia, Keith Urban’s still making his mark

Alan Dale, Split Ends and Evermore, Richard Wilkins is in the know
We’re quick to claim Pamela Stevenson but we’ve thrown back Russell Crowe

We gave New Zealand Brush Tail Possums, they’ve become a destructive pest
They gave us Jo Bjelke Petersen – I reckon the Kiwis did best

We gave them two Prime Ministers, Michael Savage and Joseph Ward
We offered to send them Johnny Howard, but they worried he’d fall overboard

We’re all sick and tired of the sheep jokes and perhaps a touch over-reactive
If you’d seen a rugby front row prop, you too would find sheep more attractive

Pavlova has strained Trans-Tasman relations, it’s origins still in dispute
Israel claims Gaza; China, Taiwan – our quarrel’s meringue stuffed with fruit

We managed to share the great Phar Lap – we divvied him up when he died
His bones wound up in Wellington, in Melbourne we stuffed his poor hide

His heart resides in the ACT, which is both ironic and droll
It’s the only heart to be found in Canberra; now all they need is a soul

I’ll conclude with some words on the language, which at times can get a bit sticky
They think they’re booking a table for six – we think they’re after a quickie

The accent can lead to confusion, but remember this rhyme and your sweet
Six is sex, sex is sucks and sucks you wear on your feet

© 2011 Ian Bland

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