Bland On Bland – No Longer Communicating

Bland On Bland – The BookThe theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “No Longer Communicating


Not so much a poem this week as a a radio play in 3 minutes.

Huge thanks to “Harry” Brammall for playing the other voice, and on really short notice. I can’t thank you enough.

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:

No Longer Communicating



Have you noticed we don’t talk anymore?

What are you on about? We talk all the time

We don’t discuss anything, we don’t do anything, you don’t take any notice of me

That’s rubbish

Okay, when was the last time we did something together?

Ahhh, how about Wednesday night

What? All we did Wednesday night was put the bins out

Well they don’t put themselves out do they?

Okay, what about the time before that?

Well, we had those people over, you know, a couple of weeks ago

People over?  You mean the Seventh Day Adventists – and you bloody let them in?

Well, they only stayed a couple of hours and anyway, we got a free magazine didn’t we?

Alright, let me put it another way – when was the last time you took me out somewhere?

Um, well, there was that big bash at my Uncle’s in June? Huge day it was

Big bash at your Uncle’s? It was his bloody funeral

Yeah, well they had coffee and sandwiches. You scoffed your share of the curry egg, can’t say I’m not attentive

Okay, turn around and close your eyes. What am I wearing?

What are you wearing where?

What clothing am I wearing right now?

What, right now?

Right now as in I’ve been wearing it all day

Right now, ahhh, um, um, um, um, ahhh, one of those top thingy’s, like on the top, with ahh, um, you know, one of those bottom thingy’s, you know, bottom thingy on the bottom, sort of lower down, sort of

Ian, I’m wearing a dressing gown and have been since we got up this morning

Well, ahh, you, um, that’s um, what I’m saying really, ahh, top and bottom thingy that’s really what a dressing gown is if you think about it – I forgot the sash though, I admit that

What colour are my eyes?

Your eyes? Um, sort of the colour of water sort of if you get my drift?

Ian, they’re brown

Yeah, that’s the colour I was describing, you know, watery brown like the Yarra River after a dust storm

Look, let’s just do something mad and impulsive, like go for a walk

Yeah, yeah, great idea, we must do that soon, we’ll put it on the bucket list

What’s wrong with right now?

Now? Um, I can’t, I have to go tooooo, ahhh —- a seminar

What seminar?

Um, it’s titled, ah “Mindfulness and relationships”

Where is this self awareness seminar being held?

Um, ahh, not far, just down there, not,not far, just ahh just down the road a little bit, just down there, just down the road

You’re going to the pub aren’t you?

Well, technically, the seminar is being held in an area at the pub, you know a space, a meeting room,  you know a, ahhh, a seminary type space

You mean the bar?

It is sometimes referred to as the bar,I – I believe, that’s probably a reasonable description of where it’s being held, roughly in that vicinity

Mindfulness, in the public bar? – Well can I come?

I don’t think that would be a good idea

Why not?

We don’t want to do everything together do we?

We need to have a serious talk?


R-i-g-h-t n-o-w!

Fair enough, important stuff, I get it – but do you mind if we wait till the next ad?


© Copyright 2017 Ian Bland

Also have a listen to “Everything or Nothing

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