Bland On Bland – Pig Products

Pig Products
Pig Products

The theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method is “Pig Products” (you have to give JVG credit, just when you think he is going soft on you, giving you some nice easy ones and then this???).

Click here to listen to today’s poem.


Ed Bates is on slide today. Nice work he did too.



I – am – a – pig! — It’s true, I don’t deny it
I’m loud and I’m proud – you homo sapiens should try it

Us pigs have suffered eons of religious persecution
You call us unclean? – Ha – Look at your pollution!

Sure I roll in my own filth – it’s not as bad as you might think
You made the planet a sewer – and you’re telling us we stink

You sapiens are hypocrites – you give us pigs the shits
Treat us with contempt – while you’re ravaging our bits!

Belly, legs, and knuckles – our loins, if you don’t mind
Black pudding from our blood – crackling from our rind

Sausages and pizzas and pies made from our meats
Even our ears are dried and sold as doggy treats

Chops, hocks and trotters – you pick the carcase bare
And of course, our famous spare ribs – though us pigs don’t consider them spare

Lipstick from our gelatine – buttons from our bones
Insulin from our pancreas – from our thyroids come hormones

We’re mixed up in your ice cream and in your chewing gum
That designer jacket your wearing – you bastards that’s me mum!

Soap, brushes, crayons, tires – nothing goes to waste
Marshmallows, cardboard, chocolate, chalk, vitamins, toothpaste

Weed killer, fertilizer – condoms if you please!
Floor wax, biscuits, yoghurt, glass, billiard balls, anti-freeze

Fabric dyes, upholstery and insulation for a start
Many a human owes their life to a pig’s valve in their heart

Before you call us filthy swine watch whose chain you’re jerkin’
What products come from humans – Eh? Enough hair to make a merkin!

Body gone, my soul can rest – alas to no avail
You summon back my spirit for some “hammy” fairytale (House of sticks indeed!)

Next time you’re snuggled up with your pampered moggie or dog
Remember its no thanks to them you’re living “High on the hog”

Ponder this you homo sapiens as you melt us down for glue
In more ways than you realise there’s a lot of pig in you!

© Copyright 2009 Ian Bland

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