Bland On Bland – Remote Places

Bland On Bland – The BookThe theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Remote Places“.

Week 2 of the show and Jon choose another excellent theme for me to play with. I must say I am suspicious, it’s all going far too well. I know that the themes are being selected by Dr Pump at the moment but even so…

Hey maybe I should suggest “Suspicion” as a theme, I wonder what he would say.

Ed Bates provided the music backing and sound effects. Thatch provided the audio production, have a listen to how it went below…

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:

Remote Places

“Fair go Joyce” begged Sid “we’ve travelled far enough”
“Rubbish Sid” snapped Joyce “I thought you were tough?”

“But Joyce, I’m feeling nervous, it’s very isolated
Imagine what would happen if we were somehow separated”

“Oh shut up Sid and walk, you’re behaving like a child”
“But anything could happen Joyce, out here in the wild

I could fall, break a leg or have a heart attack
I’d be stuck out here forever, you’d never get me back

Suppose the weather changes and we get caught in snow and freeze”
“It’s summer Sid, summer and it’s thirty two degrees”

“Well there you go, heat stroke, I could fall into a coma
Stub my toe, get a blister or graze my papilloma

I’m already feeling dizzy, Joyce I think I’m deteriorating”
“Calm down Sid, you’ll be alright, you’re hyperventilating

You used to be adventurous, now look at you, you piker”
“It’s alright for you Joyce, you’ve always been a hiker

What about wild animals with teeth and fangs and claws?
Feral, vicious creatures that can’t wait to sink their jaws”

“All that’s here is possums Sid and I’d hardly call them feral
Unless you’re made of apple Sid I don’t think you’re in peril”

What’s that thing Joyce?” “What thing Sid? That? It’s just a tree”
“No, next to it, that scary thing that’s looking straight at me

I warned you Joyce and now I might not make it back alive”
“Sid, that ‘thing’s’ our letter box, we haven’t left our drive

We’ve had five days in lockdown Sid, not fifty years in jail
It shows how long it’s been since you brought in the mail

Sid, you’re impossible, all you ever do is moan
Next week you can take the bloody bins out on your own”

© Copyright 2021 Ian Bland


Also have a listen to “Everything or Nothing

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