Bland On Bland – The BookThe theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Ruby“.

Great show this week, nice simple straight forward theme, what could possibly go wrong.

Turns out not much at all. It was a lot of fun.

Ed Bates provided the guitar backing, have a listen to how it went below…

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:


“Not bad for her age I s’pose” Ted didn’t have a clue
“Her age?” snapped Gwen “her age? She’s in better shape than you”

“She’s alright” continued Ted “but she’s lost a bit of tone
A tad soft around the belly, she could probably lose a stone”

“You can talk” scoffed Gwen “you’ve got a bloody keel
Compared to you a sponge cake is a block of hardened steel”

“Gwenny, don’t get personal; try walking in my shoes
Remember you’re my sister, you’re here to help me chose

Since Marge walked out two years ago I’ve hardly slept a night
It’s a really big commitment and I need to get it right”

Marge with her yoga teacher; my mind’s still in a fog
Imagine finding your hubby attempting a downward facing dog

I need a companion Gwen, I’m not rushing my decision
I intend to make certain she’s in reasonable condition”

“You idiot” sighed Gwen “Ruby is a catch
Stylish and intelligent; she’d make the perfect match

Try and get to know her if you’re in any doubt
Someone else will grab her unless you pull your finger out”

Ruby was a carnie; it was more than a vocation
The circus was her life; she was fourth generation

In a hot pink Lycra body suit, with tassels, emerald green
The crowds would flock to see her; Ruby was their queen

Performing is an art and so is knowing when to stop
Ruby was determined to exit while on top

While she still loved the circus, you could see she’d lost the fire
It was time to move on; she was ready to retire

The road takes its toll, always moving town to town
She longed for the quiet life and the chance to settle down

“Stop fluffing around Ted” Gwen was sick of wasting time
“So Ruby’s of a certain age; you’re well passed your prime”

“I’m scared” confided Ted “I won’t remember what to do”
“Relax” barked Gwen “you can’t forget what you never knew

Go on, enough excuses; don’t procrastinate
Honestly Ted, who cares if you’re punching above your weight

Have a shot, go up to her; what have you got to lose?
Make a move, show some metal; all they can do is refuse

“I suppose you’re right” moaned Ted “okay I’ll give it a crack
I mean what’s the worst that can happen? Worst is I get knocked back”

As Ted drove up the driveway, daughter Lyn was on the phone
She peered through the blinds, noting Ted was not alone

“The world’s gone mad” she whispered “since mum and dad’s divorce
First mum ran off with a yoga teacher, now Dad’s just bought a horse”

© Copyright 2019 Ian Bland

Also have a listen to “Everything or Nothing

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.