Bland On Bland – Spin

Photo By Jools Thatcher
Photo By Jools Thatcher

The theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “ Spin “.

Back from working up the bush. Thought I would add another “Letter” to the pile…

Dave Evans on accordion providing backing today

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:

Also have a listen to the tracks on the new EP “Once We Were Kings Of The World


Dear God,
Excuse my impudence, but I’ll give it to you straight
Never let George Pell do another TV debate

From a marketing perspective there are a few things I’d suggest
Like Ronald McDonald it’s time George was put to rest

As with all religions it’s the PR side that fails
Self righteous autocrats, mostly aging alpha males

The product’s good, don’t get me wrong, but the message; wearing thin
Needs new blood, a new campaign, win them back with “Spin”

“Fear” worked well for centuries but is past it’s used by date
“Love’s” a bit too sixties, the market’s bored with “hate”

It’s all about perception; reality’s passé
Honesty, facts and logic only end up in the way

Remember, know your customers; the secret to success
Greedy, pampered, narcissists who don’t care less

Baby Boomers, self absorbed; worse Gen X and Y
They want heaven here and now, not wait until they die

We’ll launch online “The me-bible” The no crap, app connects”
Like many through the ages we’ll revise the ancient texts

Cut and paste and edit to suit our ideology
Like every other faith and creed has done through history

The Gospels, way too blokey to be relevant today
The Disciples? Make half female and at least one should be gay

David with his slingshot, doesn’t mean much anymore
So we’ll have him slay Goliath with a Magnum Forty Four

The money lenders at the temple; thieving bunch of ho’s
We’ll change the temple to a bank and make them “CEO’s”

“Water into wine”, we’ll have to add a stipulation
“Over 18’s only and drink in moderation”

That dodgy bit where Abraham goes to sacrifice his son
If Child Protection hears of that I think we could get done

Delete all “Revelations”; that book’s too hard to sell
Don’t forget we’re plugging heaven, best not mention hell

Reduce The Ten Commandments, it will make the product leaner
Downgrade The Seven Deadly Sins to a minor misdemeanour

We’ll up the price on weekends, not because we’re profiteers
The oil companies, bless em, have got away with it for years

We’ll claim one verse a day contains not one calorie
Full of antioxidants, plus, all cholesterol free

No fat, free range, high in fibre, salt reduced and light
Gets rid of wrinkles, crows feet, chicken wings and cellulite

Builds abs in under two weeks, trims thighs and middle age spread
Can’t be worse than those ab machines under everybody’s bed

Cures baldness, anti-aging, removes unsightly body hair
Throw in a set steak knives and then watch your market share

I appreciate the facts will require some compromising
That’s not called deceit – that’s called advertising

We’ll revitalise the brand by targeting the youth
Remember “Spin” is not a lie – just unfettered by the truth

© Copyright 2012 Ian Bland

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