Bland On Bland – The BookThe theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Standing“.

Not a lot to say about this weeks theme. It’s all in the poem.

We’ve all been there…

Dan Warner was the “stunt Ed” this week and provided a wonderful guitar backing, have a listen to how it went below…

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:


“No standing here” the grey ghost snarled “ninety dollar fine”
I wound down all the windows but I couldn’t see a sign

“It’s been stolen” snapped the ghost “but restrictions still apply”
“You show me the sign” I quipped “and maybe I’ll comply

Without it there’s no proof of what crime I’m committing
Besides, I’m not standing, can’t you see I’m sitting?”

“I don’t mean you Einstein, it’s your car I mean” he barked
I told him “That’s not standing either, technically it’s parked”

“Think you’re smart” he growled “but you’re in for a shock
We’ll have you standing mate – standing in the dock”

Next thing there’s a summons and they’re taking me to court
But the cocky little prick was not as clever as he thought

Produced a photo of the sign which was there that day, he swore
Yet the building in the background burned down a year before

He gave some lame excuse but the judge, she wasn’t buying
I said he reckons I was standing but I’ve proved he was lying

“Sitting, standing, lying’ the judge was tired of all the antics
“I’m here to rule on law” she cried “not deal with semantics”

She ordered me to rise, I thought “I’m not a bloody plane”
Then she ordered me to sit, I thought “Here we go again”

Then she ordered me to stand, I thought “We’re back to where we started”
Then she said I was excused but I asked “Why, I haven’t farted”

When she ordered me to stand again I yelled “Make up your mind”
Contempt of court’ she called it; were justice deaf not merely blind?

These days I catch the bus, I find it less demanding
I was let off with a warning though, judge ruled ‘misunderstanding

© Copyright 2017 Ian Bland

Also have a listen to “Everything or Nothing

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