Bland On Bland – Stars

Photo By Jools Thatcher
Photo By Jools Thatcher

The theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “ Stars “.

Jon’s choice was prompted by his guest muso this week, Mick Pealing, who was in to promote his upcoming show at the Caravan Club playing Andy Durant and Stars tunes. Some weeks Jon really does take the easy option.

Me? I went off in another direction and headed back to the neighbourhood this week, with some thoughts about “The Stars” as you find down the back of the daily paper.

Also Jon had David Heard from 3PBS in as a guest host, as if one host wasn’t enough to contend with, thanks for the kind words David. I enjoy your work too.

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:

Also have a listen to the tracks on the new EP “Once We Were Kings Of The World


In the Mill’s house, superstition
Dictated the routine
“Pig” stayed twelve for two years
To avoid turning thirteen

Without her daily stars
His Auntie Valma couldn’t cope
Hard pushed to choose her undies
Without her precious horoscope

If her stars were looking dodgy
Valma’s mood turned bleak
She’d climb under the blankets
And stay in bed all week

Wouldn’t change a light bulb
Unless astrologers approved
When the bathroom mirror cracked
Valma sold the house and moved

“The stars are never wrong” she swore
“Just look at great Aunt Bea”
“Ignored the stars and paid the price!
Dropped dead – at ninety three!”

“In my quest for love
The stars have never failed me yet”
“Been married seven times, I have
How lucky can you get?”

“An eighth marriage was annulled
But the stars can not be blamed”
“Turned out to be a Scorpion
Not the Leo he had claimed”

Then disaster fell upon her
Far worse than any spouse
Val dropped her umbrella
And it opened! – in the house!

When a black cat crossed her path
Val weakened at the knees
“I’m doomed” she wailed, “Beyond all hope
Bad luck comes in threes”

When Val ran out of milk
Things started to unravel
The shop was just across the street
But her stars said not to travel

Val tightly gripped a rabbit’s foot
While trying to relax
Careful, as she crept along
Not to step on any cracks

As Val came around the corner
She cried out it dismay
Across the path, a ladder
Completely blocked her way

Now to walk under a ladder
Is guaranteed bad luck
So Val hopped in` the gutter
And was cleaned up by a truck

Still her horoscope was upbeat
Had she managed to survive
The truck, her favourite colour, red
And her lucky number five

“Avoid sudden confrontations
As Uranus squares with Mars”
But Val no longer needs her charts
She lives amongst the stars

© Copyright 2012 Ian Bland

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