Bland On Bland – Stop

Photo By Jools Thatcher
Photo By Jools Thatcher

The theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “ Stop “.

It seemed like such a good idea when the lads at the Lomond suggested a day up the country playing golf. I said yes, overlooking one key fact – I don’t actually play golf.

Upon sober reflection and walking around in the crisp air trying to find  the little white “pill o’ death” other wise known as the golfball. Stopping seems like a great idea – no not drinking at the Lomond,  I meant playing golf

I phoned it in from the back nine

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Also have a listen to the songs on the New Album “Angel In Reverse


Stop a sec – before I start, let me clearly state
Golf: a game I’ve never liked I’ve upgraded to hate

I’m outside The Lomond with Nic, Ray, James and Jed
Five thirty in the morning, God I wish I was in bed

Agreeing in the first place was, if nothing else foolhardy
I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut – bit like Senator Bernardi

Gay marriage and bestiality? – I can’t believe he said it
My aim is to caress the ball – I have no desire to wed it

Golf: a game I’ve never liked, seemed a good idea
Strange what you’ll agree to when you’ve had that extra beer

The bus heads off for Garfield; it’s too late to renege
Breakfast’s served, a can of beer, a sandwich; curried egg

Curried egg at 6am? – is a bit too hard to take
The sort of grub they serve up at a funeral or a wake

I choose a club and feed my face while waiting on the tee
A sand wedge or a sandwich – it’s all the same to me

I hit my first shot cleanly, as far as I could tell
That’s the last I saw of that ball – and twenty more as well

Golf: a game I’ve never liked and never understood
Like my driver’s made of metal – but they call the thing a wood!

My score? I stopped counting, it stays one of life’s unknowns
It was roughly the combined age of all The Rolling Stones

I crawl back on the bus, disillusioned like the rest
Golf: a game I’ve never liked, but I’m learning to detest

What’s the theme again, Jon? As if I bloody care
Put me down for next time? Pig’s ring! Stop right there!

© Copyright 2012 Ian Bland

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