Bland On Bland – Tea

Photo By Jools Thatcher
Photo By Jools Thatcher

The theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Tea”. This is one of those strange ones, I was asleep, woke-up, wrote the bulk of the poem, went back to sleep and got the shock of my life when I woke next morning and read it. A few quick edits and it was done. Let me know what you think.

Ed Bates is once again on guitar duties this week (thanks, as always)

Play this poem directly in your browser! Just click the “play” button below:

Also have a listen to my album “Drifter


I dreamt I met the Queen last night
A little stiff but seemed alright

No staff or guards – just mam and me
I offered her a cup of tea

Do “we’ require a special brew?
No? Common British Rail would do

One sugar please, milk – no fat
A Dundee Cake, a little chat

The usual chit, weather, tax
The mood, reserved, would soon relax

The tea, it seemed, had cheered her up
Though she declined a second cup

Secrets too, began to spill
Fergie, Charles, ‘Philandering’ Phil

Palace gossip, scrutinized
That dreadful Thatcher; still despised

Since we spoke most candidly
She asked my views on monarchy

“Mam, in honesty” I said
“Were it up to me I’d off your head”

Then quick to add, with high esteem
“When I say head, your crown I mean”

“When I say crown, not just yours”
‘All those freeloading upper class boars”

She seemed amused and still at ease
Called me “a refreshing breeze”

Used to more patronising rants
From toadies and monarchist sycophants

Mam retired to take a nap
Said she loved the chat but my tea was crap

“Time” I suggested “To climb down from your throne”
The kitchen’s that way – make your bloody own”

© Copyright 2010 Ian Bland

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