Bland On Bland – Telephone

Bland On Bland – The BookThe theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Telephone“.

This week I had to not only contend with Jon but we had Anthony Morgan in the studio… let the chaos begin. Always a good day when Anthony is in. Confuses everyone. If you get a chance have a listen to Anthony and Dan discussing the perils of smoking just before Dan’s segment. Priceless

The theme this week was telephone. I think Jon was paying me back for phoning last weeks poem in. I am just glad I was there for it all this week

No Ed this week. Have a listen to how it went below…

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:


I’ve noticed my telephone is ringing less and less
It’s my age I suspect and that inhuman SMS

The occasional robot but that’s a one way street
Leaves you feeling disappointed; not much better than a tweet

An email’s well and good, but tell me where’s the satisfaction?
When you whinge, moan and rant you have to wait for a reaction

I ring government departments for some company and fun
Try to navigate their menus, you never speak to anyone

So receiving calls these days I consider quite a treat
Though they always seem to ring when you’re just about to eat

Like that lovely bloke last month who called out of the blue
Said my computer had been hacked; I didn’t have a clue

He could fix it remotely and save me all the stress
All he needed was my password and IP Address

Oh, licence number details, date of birth and credit card
What could possibly go wrong with my mate here standing guard?

Claimed he was from Microsoft, though I felt a little tension
When I said I’d call him back if he gave me his extension

Still, I let him do his spiel, I didn’t have much choice
To be honest it was comforting to hear a friendly voice

I thanked him for his interest and said “It’s your lucky day
I have these solar panels, almost giving them away

Warned him to be quick before they disappear
All I needed was his credit card: he hung up in my ear

No-one’s called me since; no neighbours, friends, relations
No surveys, telemarketers, no-one begging for donations

Not even one wrong number: no robots, scams or queries
Not a peep out of my phone; except my girlfriend – Siri

© Copyright 2017 Ian Bland

Also have a listen to “Everything or Nothing

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