Bland On Bland – Temperature

Bland On Bland – The BookThe theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Temperature“.

Truth be told I wasn’t actually sure where Jon was heading with this week’s theme, so I just wandered off into the shrubbery as I usually do and came up with this poem below.

I actually got to chat with Jon this week, which after last weeks shambles was refreshing, it seems that others on the show were afflicted wth the gremlins this week.

Ed Bates provided the music backing and sound effects. Thatch provided the audio production, have a listen to how it went below…

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:


“God it’s hot” sighed Roy “look Stan, my foot’s begun to swell
My stubbie holder’s melting; be cooler down in hell

Must be forty five degrees, or very bloody near
We’re in serious trouble, we’ll have to drink warm beer”

“It’s hot alright” Stan puffed “more than hot, it’s bloody stinking
But we’ve gotta keep our fluids up and the only way is drinking”

“You’re right as usual Stan and that’s why you’re my mate
The last thing we need now is to bloody dehydrate

I’d go for help but experts reckon stay exactly where you are
Our only hope is Val makes it back here with the car

I’m worried something’s happened, Val’s been gone so long
Been almost twenty minutes Stan, something must be wrong”

What if she’s had an accident – or a flat, or the battery’s died?
Could be days before we’re found, by that time we’ll be fried”

“Don’t worry Roy” calmed Stan “we’re going to be alright
I need another beer though – no, not a bloody light”

“It’s all that’s left” sobbed Roy, struggling for breath
“A stubbie of light is all that stands between us and a miserable death

I feel like I should do something, but it’s too bloody hot to move”
“Relax” Stan soothed “think positive, I’m sure things will improve

Hear that? I told you Roy, it’s Valma’s car, I’m sure”
“Thank God” cried Roy “we’re saved, rescued from death’s door

Did you get the stubbies darling? Enjoy yourself in town?
Do us a favour would you love, could you turn the heating down?”

© Copyright 2020 Ian Bland

Also have a listen to “Everything or Nothing

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