Bland On Bland – The BookThe theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Timing“.

Timing. Good one JVG. Found the irony button again I see. I am reminded of the old joke, “whats that whistling sound I keep hearing? tinnitus? No deadlines as they go sailing past.

But I digress. I did find enough time to write a bit of fun this week. Hope you enjoy it.

Ed Bates provided the guitar backing, have a listen to how it went below…

To play this poem directly in your browser – just click the “play” button below:


It was my girlfriend’s birthday; I remember it clearly
Sometime in the eighties; I mean she’d still have one yearly

I mean you have more than one – I’m getting off track
It was her last birthday before she gave me the sack

My timing’s not great; perhaps a bit slow
No worse than half of the drummers I know

I asked what she wanted; I was happy to splash
Without drawing breath she came back in a flash

She said U2 announced they were going to tour
“Could you get us some tickets?” I said “No worries, sure”

I’ll go in my lunch break; least that’s what I thought
A workmate was leaving, a few drinks, I got caught

I’d go the next morning and pick them up then
I lined up first thing; well more like half past ten

I said “Two tickets please, dead centre, front row”
Said he’d sold the last ticket five minutes ago

“Ah well” I replied “second row if I must”
He paused for a second, looking rather nonplussed

Took off his glasses and asked me my name
“Ian, front row, back row, the answer’s the same

There are no tickets left, anywhere on this earth
Not for Melbourne, Brisbane, Sydney or Perth”

I begged and I pleaded but his answer was final
He suggested instead I could buy her the vinyl

Even that had sold out; least I gave it a try
It was me who was ‘Under A Blood Red Sky’

I had to get something; thought I’d up the ante
So I bought her a bottle of Asti Spumante

A Dire Straits T-Shirt and some After Dinner Mints
She thanked me then left – haven’t seen her since

We broke up next day; she did it by phone
Reckoned she needed some time on her own

Not much time it seems, according to a friend
Who spotted her at the pub that weekend

In the Dire Straits T-Shirt and my duffle coat
Some blonde haired surfie with his tongue down her throat

I was pretty upset when next thing you know
I win this competition on the radio

Dinner, a limo; all first class
Plus U2 tickets and a backstage pass

I heard she was there, with her surfie mate Jack
And a pair of binoculars, right up the back

She knew I was front row; that would have pissed her
Even more when she found out I’d taken her sister

You can plan, hope or beg; but as shown by this rhyme
If your timing is out, then you’re wasting your time

© Copyright 2019 Ian Bland

Also have a listen to “Everything or Nothing

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