Bland On Bland – Too Long

Photo By Jools Thatcher
Photo By Jools Thatcher

The theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method is “Too Long”

Ed Bates doing the guitar duties this week


Too Long

The tiny hamlet of Gilma, doesn’t feature on the map
Nestled high among the peaks of the great divide
Mainly forestry and grazing – the odd illegal crop
Gilmanites view their town with pride

The town rests in a valley and the saw mill’s rather noisy
But the locals, to a one, don’t give a toss
They’ve grown up with the din of metal shredding timber
Every resident suffers partial hearing loss

Earl and Katie Savage ran the local hardware business
A delightful pair was the popular perception
Worked well as a team, never seemed to argue
Though deafness sometimes led to misconceptions

Earl left a simple message on Katie’s mobile phone
“Ducking up the TAB – back, not too long”
When Katie replayed it she heard a different story
“Fucking cup of tea – black, not Oolong”

“The cheeky prick’ she thought – and went to call him back
But Earl had left his phone when he went out
His footy team had lost by a goal kicked on the siren
For the moment he’d get the benefit of the doubt

Kate ducked up the street to the Gilma General Store
Not her usual bubbly self, just said “Earl Grey”
“You poor thing” sighed old Eric “They say it’s one in four”
Believing Kate had told him that “Earl was gay”

As soon as Kate had left Eric got on the blower
“Earl’s jumped the fence” he told everyone in town
But Clarrie, instead of Earl, thought Eric mentioned Pearl
His prize mare – he set out to track her down

Now the mare was in the stable had Clarrie cared to check
But he called up Dick “The mare’s jumped the bloody gates”
“Bloody hell” cried Dick – this is a disaster
Having heard “The mayor’s bumped up the bloody rates”

So Dick contacted Thelma “I’m collecting a petition”
“Need help – like tomorrow if you will”
Thelma pondered Dick’s request “I’m erecting a partition”
“Need help – I’d like to borrow your drill”

Thelma spoke to Esmay “Dick’s asking me for Clarrie”
“Wants someone handy – but I’m no good with tools”
Esmay mulled it over “Dick’s asking me to marry”
“Wants someone randy but I’m no good with fools”

Esmay rattled an excuse “Say you’ve got diarrhoea”
“The trots from eaten dicky grub”
Thelma passed on what Esmay said “She’s dying for a beer”
“She’s got the hots for meetin’ Dicky at the pub”

They all partied at the bar, wisely no-one brought their car
Till Dick cried “I’m on early shift – ring a cab”
The cabbie plainly heard and responded word for word
“Earl needs a lift – swing past the TAB”

They dropped Earl at the store, Kate was waiting at the door
Protesting innocence offered no indemnity
Earl may have backed a winner though it wouldn’t get him dinner
Unless of course you have a liking for cold tea

Words come back to haunt you – persecute and taunt you
Even words you never actually state
Assertions, right or wrong – when left to stew too long
Too often, “Too long” becomes too late

© Copyright 2009 Ian Bland

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