Photo By Jools Thatcher

Photo By Jools Thatcher

The theme for this week’s JVG Radio Method poem is “Towns“.

This week the JVG Radio Method came from the cavernous Brunswick Town Hall, we were part of the Brunswick Festival. The sound was interesting. It was great having Ed Bates playing guitar backing guitar.

To hear this week’s poem – just click the “play” button below:

Also have a listen to the songs on the New Album “Angel In Reverse


“Delightful soup” quipped Joyce, with a dry, sarcastic, air
Beryl blushed with pride, any praise from Joyce was rare

The praise was faint, at best, had Beryl stopped to think it through
For she hadn’t cooked a soup, it was meant to be a stew

The town of Barry’s Flat was harmonious if slow
All that changed each March come the agricultural show

Friends, neighbours, families, eyed each other with suspicion
Loyalties annulled by the fear of competition

There was a prize for best Alpaca, sheep, cattle, horses
Needlecraft, pot plants, jams, preserves and sauces

Handmade Soap, Floral Art, Scones and Nectarines
Waterfowl and Lamingtons, Decoupage and Climbing Beans

Rivalry was fierce: allegiances upset
All for a ribbon and a fifty cent rosette

Sabotage, bribery, threats and accusations
Bullying, cheating and outrageous allegations

Like weightlifters and cyclists at the sharp end of the sport
The ones who hadn’t cheated were merely those they hadn’t caught

Kingsley Backway’s parsnips’s looked an absolute delight
Till they realised they were carrot’s that he’d painted high gloss white

Archie Poon’s giant Bantam Hen, had the trophy almost home
Till they found “she” was a rooster with an amputated comb

Vi Quirk’s Swiss Roll was stolen, but no-one would confess
Unaware that deep inside, Vi baked a GPs

She traced it to a mud cake, entered by Vic Stone
He’d iced Vi’s roll in chocolate and claimed it as his own

In apples, Sandro Gauci had his reputation tarnished
He claimed the rules said “non waxed”: no mention of non-varnished

The Sheep Dog Trials fell foul of one of Walter Thirkle’s scams
The flock he got were wethers, while the rest were given rams

Jean Fidge’s kelpie “Fudge” was withdrawn when it went crackers
After Jean discovered “Deep Heat” had been rubbed into its knackers

The prize for biggest pumpkin, the most coveted award
Sid Banks was reigning champion, but some suspected fraud

Doc Cooch performed an autopsy, which brought things to a head
While it proved to be a Queensland Blue, its guts were filled with lead

A cow named “Dolly Parton” had the spectators entranced
Sid Hobbs confessed its udders had been surgically enhanced

Poor thing could hardly move though its skin was smooth as silk
Botox in its teats did nothing for the milk

They pulled the gum boot throwing, amid grumblings of dissent
Stewards found Col Silbley’s boot half filled with cement

After Cec Higgs won the Sheaf Toss, they interviewed his wife
She proudly told them Cec had been a tosser all his life

Tensions rose when Glenys Mears won “Hand stitched cushion cover”
“I wouldn’t wipe my arse with it” – and that came from her mother

Prue Tonks and Mavis Cuttle so incensed they caused a blue
The judges fled the angry mob locked in a port-a-loo

As for Joyce and her ambitions, they ended in disgrace
Carelessness left egg, well, mostly cream on her face

Seems her Coconut Crème Pie, wasn’t all it claimed to be
Joyce overlooked the label, “Baked by Sara Lee”

Beryl and her Vegie Stew supplied the day’s surprise
The judges were unanimous, awarding it first prize

Her dignity held firm, while those around her chose to stoop
Thanks to Joyce’s snide remark, Beryl’s stew was crowned “Best soup”

And so the show was over, at least for another year
Trophies languished under beds, no longer held so dear

Life returned to normal, and tensions settled down
There’s Barry’s Flat in all of us, for the world is one big town

© Copyright 2014 Ian Bland

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